Best of the Bib

Now that all bets are off, relish in a few choice nuggets culled from the creative criticism of The Bib's illustrious judicial panel. And a single question remains: Can we get that on a tee-shirt?

Andy Borowitz on Torrisi Italian Specialties vs. Marea
"There’s a multiple-course menu but you’re only allowed to pick the entrée (out of two choices) – every other course is chosen for you. Eating at Torrisi feels a little like eating at a friend’s house, but only if you’re friends with the Mussolini family."

Gael Greene on Marea vs. Ma Peche
"The affluent fortyish foursome. The young traders. I’m guessing they’re traders -- maybe they’re a dental convention."

Regina Shrambling on Ma Peche vs. Minetta Tavern
"And with so many ingredients and adjectives she could be forgiven for saying the crab cakes were made with 'lumbo jump' ... Bob loved the special crab cakes although I thought the lumbo had been jumped out of them."

Zoe Kazan on Lincoln vs. Marea
“The Lincoln is perched like a tiny grass-thatched jewel box by the Lincoln Center Plaza. I want to graze sheep on its roof.”

Deborah Needleman on Locanda Verde vs. ABC Kitchen 
"We are seated near a long display table laden with produce that has been styled into what appears to be a shrine to the god of vegetables, or more accurately, to the god of wilted vegetables."

Peter Som on Van Daag vs. Red Rooster
"I opted for the ‘Eh What's Up Doc,' a drink featuring -- yes, you guessed it -- carrots. Not only carrots, but chickweed infused aquavit, velvet falernum, lemon, celery bitters and egg white. Say what?"

Michael Angelakos on Rubirosa vs. Torrisi Italian Specialties
“Tell me: what is New York’s fascination with the Edison bulb?”

Adam Gopnik on Torrisi Italian Specialities vs. Kin Shop
"And then comes the goat cheese gnocchi with fresh ramps. Even those of us who are anti-ramp on linguistic principle -- who needs a sub-shallot with the name of a garage feature? -- and feel on the whole that gnocchi must have been what Italians ate before they thought of pasta have to succumb to this, to the tang of the chevre and the toothsomeness of the gnocchi dough."

Eugene Mirman on M. Wells vs. Red Rooster 
“Both restaurants I went to were fantastic. I brought several friends with me to each, so I could try lots of stuff without seeming like an eccentric, mentally ill billionaire.”

Paul Feig on Locanda Verde vs. Marea 
“The more people in tuxedoes bringing me everything from utensils (still not quite sure what that thing that looks like a flat spoon is for) to finger bowls, the happier I am.”

Dennis Crowley on Red Rooster vs. Torrisi Italian Specialties
"One of the first things you'll hear from those who've been to Torrisi is how amazing the warm mozzarella is, and these people are 100% correct. Like a big marshmallow of cheese taking a bath in olive oil."

Ricky Van Veen on Kin Shop vs. Takashi
"Jake Hurwitz, one of my writers at CollegeHumor, once said to me, "Instead of 'foodies,' they should say what they really are -- assholes about food."