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pierino is a trusted source on General Cooking and Tough Love.
added 4 months agoYellow "caution" tape in covering every entry way. One thing I hate is little kids running around in the kitchen---barefoot. When I was a kid I stood next to my mother, but never in someone else's kitchen.
I did the yellow tape one year for Christmas dinner. It worked well at first, but then people just ignored it. oh, the fun we had that year. I'm actually pretty good with little kids in the kitchen. Of course, my friends kids are only about 2 years old, so they are still easy to distract with toys and stay away from things that are called 'ouch-hot'. I worry about when they get older.
Hand them a bottle of wine and tell them to go to the living room. You seem like someone who doesn't have trouble speaking her mind so just tell them to pour you a glass and take the rest with them....and put out some simple things to munch on in the living room like carrots and hummus.
Drink that glass of wine and relax! At least these people care about you enough to want your company, right? Isn't that what cooking at home is all about in the long run? You are creating memories with people you care about ....so if they are in the way and the meal doesn't look like Gourmet magazine, who cares? In the end, people will remember the meal as an experience, not a dish.
You are definitely not alone. It has always been a problem for me too. I have been told that behind my back I am referred to as the KITCHEN NAZI. And that tells me I have been marginally successful. For well meaning helpful people, my approach is to think out a list of tasks, preferably to be done outside of my kitchen like setting the table that I can delegate as needed. For those who steal my preparations before I am ready to serve, I am rude and belligerent. Which is not a great way to break bread with friends ... For those other well meaning mindless conversationalists, I have never come up with really good answers. I admire llorean's answer, but I have never been able to do it. The meal is important to me and the experience is what happens when I eat out or am a guest at someone else's table.
But thank you so much for posting this question. Like you, I have always wondered if I was the only one!
Most people like to chat with the cook/host. Sounds like a kitchen layout problem. Having an island with stools on the other side from the cook gets people out of your way but they can still offer unsolicited advice, which you can ignore. Do you have room for a table or someplace for them to sit, out of your way, but within chatting distance? Maybe train the dog to administer a non-lethal, but intimidating growl whenever someone crosses the demilitarized zone?
There are a lot of variables at play here, but for what it's worth, whenever possible I've learned to try to get all of my prep done ahead of time. Then the cooking part, when guests are around, is more like cooking show-cooking, where all the ingredients are pre-measured and sitting tidily in little bowls, waiting to be dumped into the pot or whatever. Obviously there will be other parts of the process I still have to pay attention to, but I find I am much more relaxed about the whole thing if I've done as much as possible ahead of time.
Wow, just, wow. Maybe we are the odd ducks, but for our family, and I mean generations, the kitchen is the heart of our homes. We do some of our best visiting while cooking together. If you come in the kitchen you are giving a task to help with as soon as you are old enough. Everyone cooks, even my sons, and for those not as skilled at cooking, you follow behind and clean as we go. When someone in the family passes away, we take solace in cooking together and remembering stories of them as we go. We celebrate, commiserate, and just take pleasure in the everyday tasks. I find it hard to imagine keeping the kitchen to myself. Wow...