Writing thank you notes, letters, is becoming a lost art. Many people just don’t know how to do it. Handwriting is no longer taught in schools, which to me is insane! They don’t even know how to sign their name. So very sad.
If you haven't sent a thank you to your gifter, it's not too late! Please let your gifter know that their package arrived and is appreciated - people are still waiting to hear that their gift made it safely.
Yes, CV I am done with this... Too many other things to occupy my thoughts/ time. And yes, I am known as the 'Cookie Lady' to many people. Coworkers can't get enough of whatever I bake :)
Onward to Quatre Epice cookies... Hibiscus Cookies... mulled wine cookies... TAFN.
CV,
I heartily agree and appreciate ALL the comments you have taken the time to put here. The edification of the masses is tough. For the record I made root beer float cookies,cloudberry thumb prints, peppermint meltdowns, lemon honey cookies & onion bread. There were a few other things in the box such as peach honey BBQ sauce & unsweetened raspberry cocoa. Oh, & a calendar made from my own photography.
wow, you are incredibly generous and thoughtful to put in so much time and effort! Happy New Year. Hope it goes better for you next time and that your giftee is more considerte, if you do decide to participate again.
and to all here, in particular the encyclopedic cv, a big thank you for all of your comments. i've enjoyed and learned so much. very often i think i will use some information and it works but never think or remember to thank anyone so i'm going to chalk it up to forgetfulness. happy new year everyone.
I did finally get a 'its in the mail' type of response. Well, I am not going to hold my breath... I think if you can't follow the Basic Manners 101, then don't participate. Why ruin the fun for others?
Thanks for the shout-out, but I'm certainly no encyclopedia.
My comments are based on my observation of the evolution of the Internet and the behavior of people on various Q&A forums (not just Food52's as I pointed out).
In a way, the advice people give here (free of charge, using their own time) is very similar to whatever holiday treat Miss Karen labored over in her kitchen to send out to this ingrate.
Often, there is no acknowledgement for this advice and worse is when there is no public followup about the outcome: drawing knowledge from the community and selfishly using it for yourself. It's like announcing a potluck dinner and jealously hoarding a specific contribution.
Yes, she got the box. I verified this by the tracking number. I concur that there was a whole paragraph about 'just say thank you...' They don't have to become my new best friend. The lack of response DOES bother me, but in fact I DO have other things to occupy my time.
Just to clarify - this is referring specifically to the f52 holiday secret swap, right? Because as valid as these other answers are in many situations, one of the big parts of participating in the secret swap is agreeing to thank your gifter. There was a whole paragraph in the swap directions about how important it is to send an email/snail mail/instagram post...
*disclaimer - I've not heard from my giftee either.
Recipients who somehow cannot find the 20 seconds that it takes at least to acknowledge, much less to thank, for the kindness and effort of their givers should be denied participation in the future. End of story. ;o)
As for the unacknowledged gift, a few thoughts. First, in practical terms, are you referring to a written thank-you? If you gave the gift in person & the recipient said thanks, what more is needed? If they did not say thank-you, you can reasonably assume they're just rude and boorish and let it go. If you shipped the gift & received no acknowledgment, that's equally rude, but there is the possibility they didn't receive it, the return address came off & they don't know who the sender is, etc. In that case, a call or email to find out if they received your gift is in order & it gives them a chance to say thank you. That's all...a chance. If the thanks are not forthcoming, again, let it go. But ask yourself why you're so bothered by it. We all hope our gifts will be welcome & knowing you've given pleasure to someone you care for is one of the joys of giving. A gift should be given with no strings attached or else it's a transaction. And if the recipient doesn't value you or your gift enough to enter into the spirit of giving by expressing thanks or gratitude it gives you some valuable information. It tells you something about that person & your relationship. Do with it what you will. But trying to extort a thank you from an ingrate or a boor is a fool's errand. There are better uses for your time.
As to people who've gotten advice on Food52 not returned to share info about what worked, I agree that's frustrating. It would be useful to have that feedback. But I've also been scolded and accused of being "negative" for reporting that a piece of advice wasn't helpful or a particular technique or recipe didn't work, etc. There's a very vocal subset of people who feel the need to police the behavior of others, constantly admonishing everyone to be "positive" or soliciting praise. When civilized adults cannot have a discussion/disagreement even about cooking without worrying they've bruised someone's tender feelings, online forums become useless. I think an adult should be able to distinguish between valid criticism (even if you disagree) and personal attack. They aren't the same and stifling honest discussion renders a comment section or forum pointless.
I’ve stopped expecting thank you’s over the years. Like you, I’ve gone above and beyond being thoughtful and caring and never hear a peep back. So, I stopped sending and giving gifts to those. If they don’t care, why should I?
I participated in the first and third Holiday Swaps. I never got a Thanks or acknowledgment from either person. I put so much time and effort into both gifts I was crushed. I don’t participate any more.
I'd ask them if they had any thoughts about your dish because you were thinking about whether or not you are going to make it again in the future.
Forget about trying to coax a thank you. If the person is an ingrate or a boor, no amount of dropping hints is going to change them. That's the way they were raised.
It happens a lot these days online, but sadly as well in the real world as well.
There are people who ask for advice here and *NEVER EVER* come back and say "thank you". Perhaps even less helpful, they don't even report if the advice worked, whether it failed, or how the scenario ended up. This includes many past and current Food52 staffers, not just commenters.
Heck, "The advice from Commenters X and Y worked well for us, we did ___ and ___. In the end, it was successful and I learned to ___ and decided that I will not ___ again. Thank you" is a fine way to follow up and contributes to the overall knowledge here.
But nooooo, most people who ask questions here just exhibit stony silence. It's not a specific knock on Food52, this is sadly very common behavior in pretty much all Q&A forums on the Internet these day.
Some people are clearly drive-bys who don't care for a moment about contributing a single iota of information back to the community. They're often the ones who sign up to ask one question, then never post again. It's just ME, ME, ME, TAKE, TAKE, TAKE for these miscreants.
That's the world we live in unfortunately.
Anyhow, do report what you tried and whether or not it was successful in dealing with your discourteous and ungrateful giftee.
I hope this helps in some degree. It won't make your giftee a polite person, but it should explain a bit of what to expect on the Internet and with many real life people in 2017-2018.
Is civility gone? No, but it is sure is harder to find online than in the Nineties.
Note that there's a subset of people here (and elsewhere) who are actually polite enough to offer thanks, but refuse to say whether or not the advice was actually helpful.
This is another one of these inane online behaviors that has become increasingly common in the past two decades.
Great, so the inquirer thanks every single commenter who replied to the question, but doesn't come back to say whether or not anything worked for them.
That's equally unhelpful because it provides no long-term pedagogical value. People can come by six months later and not really know if the whole thing was a complete bungle, or if someone's day in the kitchen was saved.
Thanking people for their nuggets of advice doesn't help anyone else if you don't state if any of the advice actually worked.
Anyhow, enjoy the Internet in 2018. It'll be a lot like 2017, just more of it.
28 Comments
I haven't a clue how old my giftee is. Early 30's was my guess.
Signed,
Get off my lawn guy!
Onward to Quatre Epice cookies... Hibiscus Cookies... mulled wine cookies... TAFN.
I heartily agree and appreciate ALL the comments you have taken the time to put here. The edification of the masses is tough. For the record I made root beer float cookies,cloudberry thumb prints, peppermint meltdowns, lemon honey cookies & onion bread. There were a few other things in the box such as peach honey BBQ sauce & unsweetened raspberry cocoa. Oh, & a calendar made from my own photography.
Stick a fork in it and channel your efforts toward people (friends, family, maybe some colleagues) who will appreciate your time and effort.
Thanks for the shout-out, but I'm certainly no encyclopedia.
My comments are based on my observation of the evolution of the Internet and the behavior of people on various Q&A forums (not just Food52's as I pointed out).
In a way, the advice people give here (free of charge, using their own time) is very similar to whatever holiday treat Miss Karen labored over in her kitchen to send out to this ingrate.
Often, there is no acknowledgement for this advice and worse is when there is no public followup about the outcome: drawing knowledge from the community and selfishly using it for yourself. It's like announcing a potluck dinner and jealously hoarding a specific contribution.
But that's Internet in 2018... Oh well.
*disclaimer - I've not heard from my giftee either.
As to people who've gotten advice on Food52 not returned to share info about what worked, I agree that's frustrating. It would be useful to have that feedback. But I've also been scolded and accused of being "negative" for reporting that a piece of advice wasn't helpful or a particular technique or recipe didn't work, etc. There's a very vocal subset of people who feel the need to police the behavior of others, constantly admonishing everyone to be "positive" or soliciting praise. When civilized adults cannot have a discussion/disagreement even about cooking without worrying they've bruised someone's tender feelings, online forums become useless. I think an adult should be able to distinguish between valid criticism (even if you disagree) and personal attack. They aren't the same and stifling honest discussion renders a comment section or forum pointless.
Voted the Best Reply!
Forget about trying to coax a thank you. If the person is an ingrate or a boor, no amount of dropping hints is going to change them. That's the way they were raised.
It happens a lot these days online, but sadly as well in the real world as well.
There are people who ask for advice here and *NEVER EVER* come back and say "thank you". Perhaps even less helpful, they don't even report if the advice worked, whether it failed, or how the scenario ended up. This includes many past and current Food52 staffers, not just commenters.
Heck, "The advice from Commenters X and Y worked well for us, we did ___ and ___. In the end, it was successful and I learned to ___ and decided that I will not ___ again. Thank you" is a fine way to follow up and contributes to the overall knowledge here.
But nooooo, most people who ask questions here just exhibit stony silence. It's not a specific knock on Food52, this is sadly very common behavior in pretty much all Q&A forums on the Internet these day.
Some people are clearly drive-bys who don't care for a moment about contributing a single iota of information back to the community. They're often the ones who sign up to ask one question, then never post again. It's just ME, ME, ME, TAKE, TAKE, TAKE for these miscreants.
That's the world we live in unfortunately.
Anyhow, do report what you tried and whether or not it was successful in dealing with your discourteous and ungrateful giftee.
I hope this helps in some degree. It won't make your giftee a polite person, but it should explain a bit of what to expect on the Internet and with many real life people in 2017-2018.
Is civility gone? No, but it is sure is harder to find online than in the Nineties.
Best of luck.
This is another one of these inane online behaviors that has become increasingly common in the past two decades.
Great, so the inquirer thanks every single commenter who replied to the question, but doesn't come back to say whether or not anything worked for them.
That's equally unhelpful because it provides no long-term pedagogical value. People can come by six months later and not really know if the whole thing was a complete bungle, or if someone's day in the kitchen was saved.
Thanking people for their nuggets of advice doesn't help anyone else if you don't state if any of the advice actually worked.
Anyhow, enjoy the Internet in 2018. It'll be a lot like 2017, just more of it.
:o)