One pot, one bowl, one plate, one single-as-hell-too-smart-for-Tinder-girl weeknight dinner.
Bring copiously salted water to boil. Add chopped broccoli including stalk. Boil until soft enough to mash, then scoop out with slotted spoon. Bring broccoli water back to boil.
Drain broccoli, add to Pyrex bowl (preferably found at flea market). Mash with as expensive of olive oil as you can afford, plus a handful of Parmesan cheese (if on hand, I didn't have it and that's OK), and fresh ground pepper. Place bowl on stovetop against still boiling water to keep warm.
Add pasta to water.
Chop parsley, green onion, and crush up a handful of ritz crackers (or breadcrumbs if you're too WASPy for that suggestion).
When done, drain pasta, reserving a quarter cup of murky pasta/broccoli water.
Add pasta to broccoli mash. Add greens and squeeze of lemon. Drizzle pasta water and stir until happy with "sauce."
Top with Ritz crackers and enjoy with a generous glass of (best you can afford) wine...or a Perfect Manhattan.
I'm no photographer, but trust. You just made a flavor-melded, shockingly classy meal.