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Grapefruit Beer Blondies with Toasted Pecans

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August  4, 2014
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  • Makes 20-ish brownies
Author Notes

I have a special hate for the term “beer snob”.

People who use the term, 99 times out of a 100, don’t have a damn clue what a snob actually is. When you hear someone get called a beer snob, it’s not because they scoff so hard their suspenders fall off when they see you drinking a 7.2% IPA instead of a 6.2%. It’s because you don’t drink piss-water, frat-ogre, terrible beer.

And that’s the only reason.

If I walk up to you and call you a “snob” for enjoying a delicious steak instead of hemorrhaging yourself stupid off of McDonalds quarter-pounders, you’d call me an asshole, and be completely right. But for some reason, as soon as I turn down a beer that comes with a “Vortex-Filtered Swirly Neck Thing” and has the consistency (and taste) of dish water, I’m suddenly the jerk. I suddenly get the “oh, you think you’re better than me because you don’t willingly drink garbage?” look. And you know what?

I do.

I think I’m better than you if you drink crappy beer, just like I’d think I was better than you if all you ate was Cheetos and pre-made frosting from those little cardboard containers.

However, just because a beer’s on the cheaper side doesn’t mean it can’t not suck. Usually I despise fruity beers because they taste like a juice box with an iota of beer in it, but someone turned me onto a cheaper grapefruit beer that actually didn’t completely offend me. Hopefully you’ll like the beer blondies I made with it.

…You snobs.

—Fresh Beats, Fresh Eats

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Ingredients
  • 1/2 cup Ruby Red Shiner Bock
  • 1/2 cup room temperature unsalted butter
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1/2 cup dark brown sugar (packed)
  • 1 1/2 cups AP flour
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 tablespoon cinnamon
  • 1 tablespoon grapefruit zest
  • 1 cup pecans (roughly chopped)
Directions
  1. First, preheat your oven to 350.
  2. Put the butter and both sugars in a stand mixer and beat them for about three minutes on medium, until everything’s nice and fluffy.
  3. Beat in the first egg, followed by the second. Throw in the vanilla last.
  4. Whisk together the flour and salt in a small bowl, and throw your mixer on low as you alternate adding the dry stuff and the beer into the buttery goodness.
  5. Heat up a small pan on medium heat, then throw the pecans and cinnamon in and toss ‘em around a bit. Toast them until they…well, until they smell toasted, and put them on a plate to cool. It shouldn’t take more than a minute, and honestly; it ain’t rocket science. If it smells toasty and delicious, take it off the heat. If it smells burnt, you screwed up. Just don’t be an idiot about it.
  6. Fold the grapefruit zest and toasted pecans into the batter.
  7. Get an 8x8 square baking pan and spray it with non-stick, then pour the batter in. Throw it in the oven for 30-35 minutes, check it with the good ol’ toothpick test, and let it cool for a bit.
  8. Eat it. Preferably not the entire sheet of blondies, but hey: I probably won’t judge.
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