9 Places We Didn't Expect to Find Food This Week, But Did

As of late, I’ve become obsessive in my quest to “find the food angle” everywhere I look. I’ve attacked my daily habits with a scalpel, scavenging for food references where there may be none at all. Some good news: I found a lot of food where I least expected it. Here are this week’s findings.

• Father John Misty’s newest song about death and GoGurt. For those unfamiliar, a primer: Father John Misty is an American singer-songwriter who produces some occasionally fine music. This Wednesday, he released a clip from his upcoming appearance on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim show "Brad Neely's Harg Nallin Sclopio Peepio," where he sings "This Is America." The song is an ode to how "we die doing the dumbest of shit," walking through the way various Americans have died. Each cause of death involves GoGurt, those tubelike delights. The video, above, is just over a minute. If you have any nostalgia for Go-Gurts, as I do, this video will either stoke or nullify it.

• Miley Cyrus' justification for not attending red carpet events: When ELLE’s Amanda FitzSimons asked Miley Cyrus about her burgeoning resistance to attending red carpet events, Cyrus, bless her heart, responded with forceful righteousness. “Why, when people are starving, am I on a carpet that's red? Because I'm 'important'? Because I'm 'famous'? That's not how I roll. It's like a skit—it's like ‘Zoolander.’" The logic underpinning this is unclear, but I believe Cyrus’ intentions to be earnest and good.

• This profile of Tom Brady: In an interview with The Cut's Dayna Evans, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady made the shocking admission that he's never eaten a strawberry in his life, nor has he ever had coffee. What’s more is that he has no desire to correct this. Wow!

• MyLaCroix, a LaCroix Algorithmic Generator: I’ve been pretty flummoxed by the appeal of LaCroix sparkling water in spite of living a mere two blocks from Brooklyn’s LaCroix museum, also known as “Whole Foods.” This week, Chicago-based creative studio Nelson Cash hoisted a "MyLaCroix" generator upon the world, wherein anyone can personalize their own can of LaCroix. It’s seemed to unite LaCroix adherents and agnostics alike; my Twitter feed was awash with the creations of strangers. Skim the gallery of top flavors. It offers a glimpse into the depravity of the human imagination.

• These “Macaroni Monet” Portraits of the Real Housewives: "Real Housewives of Macaroni" is a recently-announced exhibition that renders fifteen of Bravo’s Real Housewives most iconic women with various foodstuffs—garbanzo beans, pastas, ramen. This is not new for Jason Mecier, the San Francisco-based 'Macaroni Monet' who's previously created a portrait of Andy Cohen in Tic-Tacs. What does it mean when we engage in food-based portraiture of reality television celebrities? I don’t care for such tautological questions! Just give me the macaroni portraits!

• The app store: This week saw two app store releases that encapsulate the spectrum of Silicon Valley—one unimpeachably kind-hearted, the other kind of silly and possibly not enough to sustain a business. If you, like me, ever suffered the indignity of having no one to sit with at lunch growing up, a corrective. Natalie Hampton, a sixteen-year-old who's currently a junior in high school and lives in California, has created Sit With Us. Sit With Us is an app that lets kids find tables to sit at and make new friends, therefore solving the problem of having lonely souls wander around the lunchroom until they resort to sitting in a phone booth like DJ Tanner did on her first day of junior high (see above). On the other end we’ve got Toasteroid, an app-controlled “smart toaster” that lets you brand your little bread slices with emojis and timestamps. Honestly, so important.

• A fawning profile of Gigi Hadid: Gigi Hadid, the heiress-cum-supermodel who's dating ex-boyband-member-turned-crooning-sycophant Zayn Malik, has revealed all for a cover story in Britain’s Evening Standard. She’s admitted to “getting super into British foods.” In fact, she continues, “I’m loving Heinz baked beans in the morning, yeah, and Zayn cooks a lot. He makes a brilliant curry. Butter chicken is his signature dish. Don’t worry—he’s representing good for the British boys!" I'm done worrying.

• Rihanna's Snapchat: This past weekend, Barbadian singer Rihanna took to Snapchat to document the process of making brunch for her friends. She made some bacon, eggs, sweet fries, and mimosas. The “snaps,” as the kids say, are extremely sweet and funny; I think she should have her own cooking show. Perhaps she will coax me to download an app I have abstained from downloading out of principle.

• This Disney scandal involving The Princess and the Frog (2009): Disney’s attempt to continue cashing in on The Princess and the Frog (2009) resulted in a mangled, tone-deaf concoction entitled “Princess Tiana’s Healthy Gumbo.” In it, Disney, a corporation, took a timeworn and beloved regional template and infused it with kale, quinoa, and other staples of our current “health food craze.” The reaction on social media was swift and furious, with various people from New Orleans taking umbrage with the bastardization of their dish, prompting Disney to take the recipe down.

Man, what a big week it's been for food. The rumors are true: food is everywhere.

Was food in any of Colin Powell's leaked emails? Please, let me know in the comments!