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Is This Really the Best Way to Cut a Bagel?

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Friends, I’m sorry to report that Business Insider is at it again. Mere days after demanding I pulverize my eggshells into a powder, the company surfaced a video featuring mathematician Eugenia Cheng attached to some remarkably brazen social copy: “This is the best way to cut a bagel,” sans punctuation.

What follows is a video of one minute and 47 seconds, groovy National Geographic documentary music to boot, that purports to show the best way to cut a bagel “according to math.” Cheng, who assumes the role of narrator, claims that a bagel is better cut along a Möbius strip, a spiral structure that resembles a twisted galaxy, rather than into its traditional two halves. Some extremely crafty and cumbersome knife work later, the bagel opens up without splitting in two. That, Cheng says, makes it easier to spread cream cheese along the bagel.

Okay. Let’s unpack this.

  1. I had to watch this video at least eight times to understand how, exactly, you’re supposed to wield your knife when doing this.
  2. I will definitely hurt myself while trying to cut my precious Möbius Bagel. Like, it's just a guarantee.
  3. How do you toast this so-called Möbius Bagel? Anyone have a toasting vestibule that’s fat enough for this baby? I don’t.
  4. No.

If you cut your bagel like this, please let me know.