Author Notes
Recipe: The Ploughman’s Bollocks (for Danny Boyle and Sean Connery)
The notion that the English pub dish with the twee name “Ploughman’s Lunch” was actually something a ploughman carried into the field is total bollocks. It was thought up by the Milk Council in the 1960’s to promote the sale of cheese and then caught on during the Margaret Thatcher and Sex Pistols years, the point being that it’s not something traditional unless your traditions only go back forty years. So pierino has gone all deconstructionist once again. Typically your “Ploughman’s” arranges as cheddar, possibly some meat pie, a pickle or chutney and some fruit. We’ve completely remade it with a wink toward the way Danny Boyle remade the Olympic opening ceremonies of 2012. The bangers are turned into deep fried meat balls and topped with crispy leeks, so set up your frying station and crank up the Sex Pistols.
—pierino
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Ingredients
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4
English banger style sausages
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1
leek
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1
bunch flat parsley (although you could use the short and curlies)
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1
tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
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1
teaspoon of pimenton (no harm in a little Spanish Fly)
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½ cup milk
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1 hunk of good English cheddar
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1 “delicious” apple
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Thick brown bread of your liking
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Wondra superfine flour
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1 egg
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Unseasoned bread crumbs
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Oil for frying
Directions
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Set up your mise en place by chopping the parsley and slicing your leek very thinly. Avoid the tough green tops, although you can save those for making broth or whatever.
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Prep your bread mixture; tear it into pieces and place in a bowl with the milk.
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With a sharp knife remove the casings from the bangers. Turn the contents out into a bowl, and using the business end of a wooden spoon mash them up really well.
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Chop your parsley to a confetti like state.
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Wash your hands thoroughly and work the banger meat, bread and parsley together. This is a hand job. Add the Worcestershire sauce and pimenton (to your own taste) and continue to work it over.
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In a cast iron pot or other frying vessel bring your oil up to warp speed, 375F as measured by maybe a candy thermometer.
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Shape your meat packages into ping pong ball sized shapes (it is an Olympic sport). They can be held refrigerated.
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Set up your fry station: Wondra, beaten egg, bread crumbs.
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Once your oil is hot you can roll the bollocks in the Wondra, dip in egg, and the roll again in bread crumbs. Plunge them into the oil, crisp them up, and toss on today’s Financial Times or Wall Street Journal.
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Don’t stop there. Fry your leeks until crispy in the same oil. Scoop and scatter over the bollocks with any remaining parsley.
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Serve with cored and sliced apple, a hunk of cheddar, brown bread and chutney if you like that.
Standup commis flâneur, and food historian. Pierino's background is in Italian and Spanish cooking but of late he's focused on frozen desserts. He is now finishing his cookbook, MALAVIDA! Can it get worse? Yes, it can. Visit the Malavida Brass Knuckle cooking page at Facebook and your posts are welcome there.
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