Make Ahead

The Best Black Beans the Universe Has Ever ConceivedĀ Of

by:
June  1, 2024
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Photo by Ian
  • Prep time 1 hour
  • Cook time 6 hours
  • Serves 6
Author Notes

This is an easy recipe that takes /forever/ to cook. It's an amalgam of David Sterling's Yucatecan beans, and the Tico beans I've been making for the bulk of my life.

This looks like much more of a bitch than it is! Take your time; do your laundry as you're tossing stuff into the pot; maybe have a heart-to-heart with your cat.

Notes:
(1) By "shitty beer," I mean a tallboy of Pacifico, or Pabst or whatever lager you don't feel one way or another about. —Ian

What You'll Need
Ingredients
  • 1 cup black or pinto beans, thoroughly rinsed and picked over for gravel and all that crap
  • 1.5 onions
  • 2 heads garlic
  • 3 bay leaves
  • 2 cups low-sodium vegan chicken or chicken stock
  • 2 serrano chilis, sliced down the side
  • 1 tablespoon cumin seed
  • 1 tablespoon Mexican oregano, if you can find it
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 2 cascabel or guajillo chilis, wiped down and lightly toasted
  • 24 ounces shitty shitty beer
Directions
  1. Nuke your business. Separate one head of garlic into cloves, but don't peel. Halve your onions and your serranos. Toss everything under the broiler, cut-side up. Let everything char-- this is gonna add a lot of depth, but it's also where you can regulate the smokey flavors.
  2. Rinse the beans. Whether you're using black, or pinto beans, pick them over for gravel or whatever, rinse them a few times to get the dust off, and chuck them into a pot with half a charred onion, & enough water to double the volume. Add one bay leave. Bring to a boil, then turn off the heat. Let sit for at least three hours, depending on the age of the bean.
  3. Toast up the cumin seed and the Mexican oregano in a dry pan. Mortar and pestle the bastards. Reduce them to dust.
  4. Drain the beans.
  5. Dice the onions. Toss them in a little oil in the Dutch oven. Gently caramelize. Add the all of the garlic, the chilis, & the spices. Toss to coat everything evenly. Let saute for a few minutes.
  6. Season, and simmer on low until the beans are just shy of tender, and the pot licker has boiled off by more or less half. Let stand for mebbe four to six hours.
  7. Serve with limes, avocado, love...

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