Ephemera

Toothless Juice Bar Owner Shows Hollywood Stars How to Drink Dust

February  5, 2016

It recently came to our attention, from an article by Victoria Dawson Huff published in Elle, that Amanda Chantal Bacon (yes, real last name), owner of the health store Moon Juice in Los Angeles, consumes Brain Dust and ho shou wu on a regular basis, follows a strict breathing regime, and regularly takes snack breaks worth upwards of $60—all in the name of health and vitality, of course. Following is our translation of her account:

Not Moon Juice. Photo by James Ransom

"I usually wake up at 6:30am, and start with some Kundalini meditation and a 23-minute breath set [Editor's note: 23 is the ninth prime number, the amount of time Gwyneth Paltrow’s automated sprinkler system stays on every day, the sum of Gwyn’s daily pilates reps divided by the number of raw almonds she eats daily (6 1/2), and the number of characters in her daughter’s name (Apple Blythe Alison Martin). It is a sacred number.] —along with a copper cup [ED: Her golden chalice was in the dishwasher.] of silver needle [ED: Not as pointy as it sounds.] and calendula tea—before my son Rohan wakes."

"At 8am, I had a warm, morning chi drink [ED: Not to be confused with the Greek letter, midwest city, river in Thailand, or 1950s tiki drink that is more delicious (and more fun).] on my way to the school drop off, drunk in the car! It contains more than 25 grams of plant protein, thanks to vanilla mushroom protein [ED: ??????] and stone ground almond butter, and also has the super endocrine, brain, immunity, and libido- boosting powers of Brain Dust [ED: Not to be confused with the Mad Cow Disease symptom, brain disintegration. Brain Dust (the good kind) costs $55 per 2 ounces, contains “medicinal grade” stevia and gingko and is available at www.moonjuiceshop.com.], cordyceps, reishi, maca, and Shilajit resin [ED: Please forgive the article's brief lapse out of legibility.]. I throw ho shou wu [ED: A Chinese herb that supports an abundant sperm count] and pearl in as part of my beauty regime. I chase it with three quinton shots for mineralization and two lipospheric vitamin B-complex packets for energy [ED: WTF]."

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"At 9:30am, I drink 16 ounces of unsweetened, strong green juice, which is my alkalizer, hydrator, energizer, source of protein and calcium, and overall mood balancer. It's also my easy, 'lazy,' and delicious skin regime [ED: She is so lazy.]. I also take three tablespoons of bee pollen [ED: We actually know what this is!!]. I love Moon Juice's soft and chewy bee pollen—it's a creamy, candy-like treat [ED: Bee pollen is extremely similar in makeup to Twizzlers, Junior Mints, and Reese’s Pieces.] that gives me my daily B-vitamin blast [ED: sic], and also helps feed my skin and aids hormone production. I'll also grab a handful of activated cashews [ED: Activated cashews wake up at 6:30am, do a 23-minute breath set, and avoid “bad” fats.]. I try to get these in every day for their brain chemistry magic. I chase this with a shot of pressed turmeric root in freshly squeezed grapefruit juice."

"For lunch, I had zucchini ribbons with basil, pine nuts, sun-cured olives, and lemon, with green tea on the side. This is such an easy, elegant, and light meal. I made this while on a phone meeting before heading out for the rest of the work day. I often alternate this with my other lunch staple: a nori roll with umeboshi paste, avocado, cultured sea vegetables, and pea sprouts. This is my version of a taco, and it's insanely delicious [ED: This is not a taco.]. These ingredients are all pantry staples [ED: You’ll find them in most American pantries between the bee pollen, lipospheric vitamin B-complex packets, Brain Dust, and ho shou wu.], so I eat some version of this everyday. It's probiotic-rich with the cultured veggies, and deeply mineralizing [ED: Mineralize (v): “To impregnate (water or another liquid) with a mineral substance.” — Merriam-Webster Dictionary] thanks to the sea vegetables, and the avocado nourishes the brain and hormones. It's awesomely satiating and takes 45 seconds to compile. I usually make this while standing, working with someone, simultaneously emailing and definitely texting [ED: Living in the moment is an essential part of being a fully mineralized, adequately alkalized human being]. I know the right answer would be to sit down and take 10 minutes to eat, but that doesn't happen for lunch, ever."

"If I'm home around 3pm, I always reach for coconut yogurt with cardamom, dried figs, walnuts, and apricots from a weekend farm visit [ED: If you haven’t visited a farm this weekend, you may as well eat sidewalk dirt because that's what your snack is worth.]—and a chunk of raw dark chocolate. I ferment big batches of coconut yogurt and make big batches of raw chocolate spiked with maca and any other medicinal herb I'm focusing on. It's easy to do, and makes for potent, fast snack food throughout the month."

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Top Comment:
“"[ED: Please forgive the article's brief lapse out of legibility.]" >> I might have snorted. Can I favorite this twice?”
— Lindsay-Jean H.
Comment

"Today I also called into Moon Juice and got some 'drive through.' Work doesn't keep me in the shop like it used to. Sadly I'm always on the go and running late, so I usually call in a mid-workday curbside pick-up. I grabbed a mint chip hemp milk [ED: $12] with double servings of maca [ED: $4 each] and sprouted brown rice protein [ED: $30 per jar; “Combats puffiness.”], sweetened with stevia, as well as two Goodness Greens juices [ED: $9 each]. [ED: $68 total, for snacktime.]"

"I had an early, pre-yoga dinner [ED: What other kind is there?] at Shima in Abbot Kinney, which is my 3-year-old's favorite restaurant [ED: Props to commenter Jason Maddux who pointed out that Rohan definitely prefers Chuck E. Cheese.]. I had a seaweed salad with micro cilantro and daikon, and a delicate broth [ED: Not to be confused with stock.] of mushrooms and herbs."

"From 7 to 9pm, I went to my Kundalini yoga class at Rama Yoga in Venice, with my go-to teacher, Harijiwan [ED: Licks Moon Beams was demoted as the go-to after Amanda’s guru spotted his car in the McDonald’s drive-through line.]."

"My son and I make a batch of almond milk and vanilla chia pudding for the next morning at bedtime. We like to have cups of it before it's totally done, when it's more like chia milk [ED: Rohan prefers to eat his while fondly remembering the McFlurry he licked once]."

"At 11pm, I had a nightcap of heart tonic and raw chocolate made from one of my big batches—this one was made with our Moon Pantry heirloom raw cacao, reishi and Chaga mushroom, sprouted brown rice protein, and coconut oil [ED: Contains .2% chocolate] . I love chocolate—and on some evenings, I don't want to deny the indulgence—so I've devised a million low glycemic recipes. [ED: 11:30pm: Cry into lavender moon beam-scented organic hemp pillow.]"

The original, unannotated article was published by Elle, as told to Victoria Dawson Hoff.

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20 Comments

Nicole February 11, 2016
I was really disappointed to read this piece, which is really mean-spirited and almost gleeful in its piling on of this woman. I've been a reader since THE BEGINNING. I love the community here and the way you've created a safe place for women (and men, but it's mostly women) to support one another, learn, and share recipes. In the beginning, it was readers building up readers. (Mostly) women building up other women. It was a beautiful thing. You are better than this, Food52. You don't have to tear down other women in the food space for a few page views.
 
Amanda S. February 7, 2016
I had to look up 'activated cashews'. They're soaked in salt water then dried. They're salted cashews. Supposedly it increases the absorption of the nutrients. I don't know...<br /> My favorite line of this is 'It's awesomely satiating and takes 45 seconds to compile'. I had no idea how 'fast and filling' could sound so pretentious.
 
Kate C. February 7, 2016
Hilarious and delightful. "activated cashews" had me HOWLING with laughter. Well played!
 
Cassandra G. February 6, 2016
I too felt Chantal Bacon's routine was a little ridiculous & out of touch with what most people can afford to do in terms of time and money for their health, but can a website that sells $325 measuring spoon necklaces really criticize the elitism and out-of-touchness of someone who consumes a $60 snack?
 
Patricia February 7, 2016
I love this comment so much. If a satirical website posted this article I would have thought it was hilarious. Coming from Food52, it's just petty.
 
Food52 February 7, 2016
Yes it’s true, we do carry some pretty expensive items (and many that are not expensive too!). We'll take the ribbing. Still, we’re pretty sure you could spiff up your kitchen and home for way less than a day of eating brain dust.
 
Sean R. February 7, 2016
I tend to agree with Cassandra's point, but more significantly find mocking others' lifestyle to be a bit mean-spirited. It's good for a quick laugh, but I expected a more supportive atmosphere from people who love to talk niche recipes and food ideas. It's not a big deal; it just isn't the classiest move in the world.
 
Cassandra G. February 9, 2016
Amen! http://la.racked.com/2016/2/8/10934820/moon-juice-amanda-chantal-bacon?utm_campaign=la.racked&utm_content=article%3Abottom&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook
 
jbox February 6, 2016
https://medium.com/@boobsradley/between-my-hectic-job-and-nourishing-social-life-it-s-not-always-easy-to-find-the-time-to-make-aa9c48a5458b#.yidmas4zl
 
Jeff M. February 6, 2016
Ah ... the life of privilege.
 
Merrill S. February 6, 2016
Literally crying.
 
Maurina R. February 6, 2016
So funny!
 
BrooklynBridget February 6, 2016
My morning guffaw Leslie!
 
CascadiaGirl February 5, 2016
Where is the "Love" button?
 
Lindsay-Jean H. February 5, 2016
"[ED: Please forgive the article's brief lapse out of legibility.]" >> I might have snorted. Can I favorite this twice?
 
Bek W. February 5, 2016
This is the best thing i've read all year. ?
 
Louise February 5, 2016
#freeRohan
 
BrooklynBridget February 6, 2016
LOLOL
 
BrooklynBridget February 6, 2016
#burgersforRohan
 
Amanda S. February 7, 2016
If that child is not named after the proud Kingdom of Rohan of Middle Earth, I just feel so sorry for him.