Vegetarian Bacon Mayonnaise (No Bacon!)

June 2, 2017

Author Notes: From Tyler Kord's cookbook, A Super Upsetting Cookbook About Sandwiches.

It would not be unreasonable to balk at the official the name of this recipe—"Bacon Mayo (for Vegetarians and Meat Eaters)"—and its motley crew of disparate ingredients: toasted Lapsang souchong tea leaves, soy sauce, allspice, mayonnaise, and... drumroll please... grape jelly.

Kord offers no explanation for how he discovered that this combination of ingredients, when allowed to steep and, yes, marry, would be reminiscent of smoky bacon (was it an act of desperation or of genius? is there a difference?), but he writes, "Sometimes you want to put bacon on a sandwich, but then you realize that you are a vegetarian. This is not quite like putting bacon on a sandwich, because it won't have the texture of bacon. But it will taste like bacon. And if you make it with Vegenaise, then you have vegan Bacon Mayo!"
Sarah Jampel

Makes: 1 1/2 cups
Prep time: 1 hrs 5 min
Cook time: 10 min

Ingredients

  • 2 teaspoons Lapsang Souchong tea leaves
  • 1 1/2 cups mayonnaise
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
  • 1 garlic clove, finely minced
  • 1 teaspoon grape jelly
  • 2 tablespoons low-sodium soy sauce
In This Recipe

Directions

  1. Heat an oven to 250° F. Toast the leaves on a parchment-lined baking sheet for 10 minutes, or until completely dry and crumbly. Crush to a powder in a mortar and pestle or spice grinder.
  2. In a medium mixing bowl, combine the tea leaves with the remaining ingredients. Whisk until thoroughly combined. Taste. "It totally does not taste like bacon," at this stage explains Kord.
  3. Refrigerate for at least 1 hour (and up to 4 days). Now give it another taste: "Bacon!" Kord writes. "Kind of! But definitely delicious."

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