Menu Ideas

11 Valentine's Dishes for When You Don't Give a Flip

By • February 13, 2014 • 20 Comments

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Whatever, Hallmark. Whatever, pink-frosted cookies in windowsills and heartwarming ABC Family specials and imploring stuffed bears. Maybe you have a sweetie, maybe you don't -- as Rhett Butler would say, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." And neither should you.

This year, you don't have to get a Valentine for everyone in your class. Heck, you don't even have to leave the house -- because this Friday the 14th (more like Friday the 13th, amirite?), we're giving exactly zero hoots. We're going to eat what we want, when we want, preferably in our PJ's on the sofa with a bottle of wine in one hand and a slasher movie on TV. Because who cares about whether you have garlic on your breath or some spinach in your teeth -- embrace it. You don't give a flip.

These dishes are not the prettiest. They're not the sexiest. They're not even the cutest. But by golly, they are delicious. 

Picklebacks by Marian Bull

Because you might as well start your night off with pickle juice and whiskey. Sort of like an aperitif, but the opposite of classy.

 Picklebacks on Food52

 

Fatted Calf's Meatloaf by Toponia Miller

Meatloaf is probably the least sexy food in the world. Get on your stretch-band sweats so you can match.

Fatted Calf's Meatloaf on Food52

 

Spinach, Mushrooms and Cream for Dinner by Nicholas

 At this point, you should probably eat a dish that's 50% cream for dinner. Then chase it with a pickle back.

Spinach, Mushrooms, and Cream for Dinner on Food52

 

Sweet Potato Chana Masala by Jestei

It's not winning any fashion shows and it'll make your clothes smell like Indian takeout, but eh -- we love it.

Sweet Potato Chana Masala on Food52

 

Bulgogi Jerky by savorthis

Jerky for dinner. Enough said.

Bulgogi Jerky on Food52

 

Scotch Eggs by molly yeh

Instead of poaching or scrambling or frittata-izing your eggs, you're coating them in sausage and frying them. Heh.

Scotch Eggs on Food52

  

Whipped Chocolate Caramel Ganache by sdebrango

 No cake. Just frosting. Best eaten with your fingers.

Whipped Chocolate Caramel Ganache on Food52

 

 Linguine with Sardines, Fennel and Tomato by lastnightsdinner

This dish makes the cut because it will make your breath smell like fish and it's hard to eat neatly. But so easy to enjoy.

Linguine with Sardines, Fennel and Tomato on Food52

  

Robert Vergé's Fried Eggs with Wine Vinegar by Genius Recipes

This vinegar is acidic and bitter, like your soul. 

Robert Verge's Fried Eggs with Wine Vinegar on Food52

 

Grilled Garlic Toast by Merrill Stubbs

Keep away vampires and potential lovers with this garlic toast. Two birds with one stone!

Grilled Garlic Toast on Food52

 

Yum Dogs by vvanessa

 This hot dog is wrapped in bacon. Pretty self-explanatory.

Yum Dogs on Food52

What do you eat when you just don't care? Let us know in the comments!

Jump to Comments (20)

Tags: roundup, menu ideas, valentine's day, valentines day, romantic, date, weekend, rich, all-out, decadent

Comments (20)

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Stringio

10 months ago Helene Bergstrand

Best Valentines dishes ever. I will go for the garlic bread. Thank you.

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10 months ago o.lechow

Hilarious! I love this post! I have a partner too- I just can't give it up for hallmark- so it's such a treat - such a treat- not to feel like I HAVE to make filet mignon and beurre blanc and molten chocolate cake and truffles and chocolate dipped everything. So glad to see someone else on the same page!

anyway the go to "meal" is a stock pot of popcorn with a stick of butter, yeast, and chocolate chips thrown in. and a bottle of red.

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10 months ago Meghan

My go-to meal when I just couldn't care is usually cereal in an oversized coffee mug. If I'm feeling extra fancy, I'll put in a glug of milk. And as for this Valentine's Day menu; it sounds like the kind that would give Cupid a heart attack.

I'm not saying that's a bad thing.

Me

10 months ago Kenzi Wilbur

Kenzi is the Managing Editor of Food52.

We're cereal-out-of-oversized-coffee-mug soulmates.

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10 months ago Brette Warshaw

Sometimes I eat cereal out of a giant mixing bowl.

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9 months ago Meghan

My mixing bowls are reserved for mac-and-cheese aka my go to when I need carelessness AND comfort.

Stringio

10 months ago Shelli Owens

Excellent way to win the interwebs with snark and rad food. Huzzah!

Stringio

10 months ago Sietske van Schaik

30 weeks pregnant. Feel and look like a manatee. I'm grumpy and don't want none of this gushy lovey Valentine's crap (do bring me some chocolates, dear.)

This menu is perfect.

Bah humbug!

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10 months ago BeverlyW

This article totally cracked me up and hit me right in my funny bone! Thanks for the chuckles, especially on such a super snowy day (again, again, again). I am going to have to make that frosting - I always make a double batch of frosting for my husband's birthday cakes, as he subscribes to the point of view that the point of the cake is to serve as a minimal vehicle for LOTS of delicious frosting. This idea takes it to a whole new level - just frosting! Perfecto!

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10 months ago AntoniaJames

AntoniaJames is a trusted source on Bread/Baking.

I suppose I count myself among the lucky few who does not remember, seriously, ever not caring "a flip" about a meal. On the other hand, not caring a flip about a holiday? Well, there are plenty of those. But it never affects my choices for what I eat. Life is just too short. That said, I love the humor in this! ;o)

Sausage2

10 months ago fiveandspice

Emily is a trusted source on Scandinavian Cuisine.

Love this. My favorite dinner when I don't care is a bottle of champagne and the rest doesn't matter. Could be a piece of toast or some carrot sticks or maybe a chocolate bar. Champagne makes it classy. ;)

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10 months ago Brette Warshaw

My go to: a bottle and champagne and a jumbo sized bag of Rold Gold pretzels

France

10 months ago Catherine Lamb

Do you put the champagne in a glass? If so, too classy. But regardless props to you!

Sausage2

10 months ago fiveandspice

Emily is a trusted source on Scandinavian Cuisine.

Personally, I use a jar. Well, I used to use a jar. Then I bought myself those etched flutes from Provisions, so now I drink my champagne out of those and feel like a lady. Too classy, perhaps, but I'll make up for it with fiery dragon garlic breath.

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10 months ago Jennica

Love your humor. Wish you were my neighbor.

France

10 months ago Catherine Lamb

I wish I were your neighbor too!

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10 months ago AntoniaJames

AntoniaJames is a trusted source on Bread/Baking.

This is hilarious! Nice job, CL. ;o) P.S. I'm celebrating my 34th VDay with the same guy. I have, since I was a teenager, thought that VDay, Mother's Day and Father's Day were all part of what I've called a "Hallmark conspiracy." I love the excuse for an extra special meal, however, when my work schedule permits.

France

10 months ago Catherine Lamb

Thanks AJ! I'm totally behind you with the excuse for any special meal. I think it really changes year for year with Valentine's -- one year you may want a three-star meal with your significant other, one year you might want to cook a special meal with your friends, and one year you may want...pickle backs. It's inspiring to hear about your 34 year stretch -- congrats! I hope you have a wonderful February 14th.

Stringio

10 months ago Sietske van Schaik

Yes! Hallmark conspiracy.

My mom always told me to just buy her flowers because it's Tuesday, or because you feel like it, or because... whatever. But not because the calendar says so.

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10 months ago AntoniaJames

AntoniaJames is a trusted source on Bread/Baking.

Sietske, your mother is a woman after my own heart! That's exactly what I tell my husband and grown sons. The only difference is that I remind them not to bring flowers, because I'm allergic, but to feel free to poke around the local kitchen shops and lavishly spend, to their hearts' content! ;o)