Curly bacon and big mess to clean up ?!?!

Not-so-modern technology has bestowed us with remedies for both 'issues'. Using a cast iron skillet does produce the best tasting bacon, the "Bacon Press" flattens the bacon and results in uniform doneness, and a "Splatter Shield" limits any splatter to the inner limits of the skillet. Come on out to the country where pork is produced to learn how to cook the various cuts of swine.