Watermelon

Beyoncé's Latest Step Towards World Takeover: Watermelon

May  3, 2016

After both releasing a massively successful and virtuosic visual album and starting her world tour in the past two weeks, Beyoncé has taken another small step towards world domination (and taking over all of our lives): She has invested in WTRMLN WTR, a juice-like beverage sold in Whole Foods and Costco across the country.

It's only natural, what with her clear interest in fruit-flavored beverages and the recent launch of an activewear brand.

Soon we'll all be drinking WTRMLN WTR while glistening (not sweating!) in IVY PARK crop tops and leggings, listening to Lemonade on Bey's signature branded headphones, and running on B-shaped treadmills (these last two bits are yet to be announced, but I'm sure it will happen at some point).

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With the proliferation of coconut water and maple water and celebrity health beverage endorsements we thought we'd come up with a list of other potential celebrity waters we'd like to see in 2016...

  • Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds' BNANA WTR
  • Justin Bieber's CHEETO WTR
  • Miley Cyrus' SWEET TART WTR
  • Jaden Smith's SALT WTR (with its own expertly curated Instagram page featuring lots of negative space)
  • Kanye's YEEZY WATER (it's just regular water, but it comes in a beige sack and its $40)
  • The Rock's PEPPER WTR (burns calories while you drink it so you can become hot and beefy like mr rock)
  • Questlove's ZUCCHINI WTR (collaboration with Dan Barber, comes from salting raw zucchini and letting the water seep out)
  • Idris Elba's GOLD WATR (literally just gold suspended in water that Idris Elba has looked at, makes anyone who drinks it immortal and gorgeous)

What celebrity-endorsed waters would you buy (or at least chuckle at)? Share with us in the comments below! Maybe Beyoncé will see it!

3 Comments

Catherine L. May 4, 2016
especially love the idris elba GOLD WTR where can I purchase please?
 
creamtea May 3, 2016
Not to be persnickety (which I am) but don't you mean "vowels" when you say on the homepage that "wtrmln wtr is the beverage with no adjectives..." I can think of lots of adjectives, "cool," "refreshing," and (as you say) "juice-like"
 
Sarah J. May 3, 2016
Nope, you're totally right!!! Vowels, not adjectives.