What Would You Buy from the Cheetos Easter Snackwear Store?

March 24, 2017

I know it’s been a minute since Cheetos rolled out their deliriously absurdist holiday-themed store, so in case you've forgotten about it, here's a quick refresher. Last November, the Frito-Lay company debuted a motley of products for the holiday season, from high-priced jewelry to scarves described as "dangerously silky," all fashioned in the likeness of Cheetos. Stunts like these have become increasingly trendy among food companies in recent years, and I'd say that Cheetos is quite good at playing this game. Their approach is refreshingly self-aware.

So imagine my delight when, earlier this week, Cheetos announced it had partnered with retail company Betabrand to create its own “Spring Snack Line 2017,” a set of Cheetos-branded sartorial offerings specifically tailored for Easter. After all, they posit, people will need certain items for snacking on Cheetos (and Sweetos, their cinnamon-flavored counterparts) during the holiday.

The catalog includes ”the Snackscot,” an ascot with its own “hidden” Cheetos pocket area for stray snacks to fall as you munch; “the Lapkins,” a pair of seersucker pants with perforated “napkin-like” fabric; a blazer with pocket protectors that have wet wipes; snack-spenders with pockets to put your Sweetos; a “Snack Stasher Dress” with a compartment for Sweetos; a women's blazer with shoulder pads for storage; a muffler that suppresses the crunch of Sweetos; and a hat that hides your Sweetos. (I have yet to encounter an explanation as to why there are different items for Sweetos and Cheetos, but here we are.)

If you’re wondering whether Cheetos is for real, good question. They’re currently asking fans to vote for their favorite project (all are currently in the conceptual stages), and they will agree to produce whichever item wins out. As of writing, the parasol pocket—the least desirable of these products, to my mind—is astonishingly leading the poll. It’s an umbrella with small pouches for storing Sweetos.

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I’ve got many concerns. What becomes of the Sweetos when the umbrella is collapsed? Do they turn to dust? Can you use them for Cheetos? Unclear. If this, or any of the other designs, sounds like something you need to add to your repertoire, please cast your vote as soon as you can. No word on when voting closes, or whether the resultant products will be as steeply-priced as the items in the Luxury Holiday Store (a $20,000 "Eye of the Cheetah" gold ring-and-earring set, anyone?), but this is important. Make your voice heard.

Take a gander at the Cheetos Spring Snack Line here. What item will you be casting your vote for? Let us know in the comments.

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Mayukh Sen is a James Beard Award-winning food and culture writer in New York. His writing has appeared in the New York Times, the New Yorker, Bon Appetit, and elsewhere. He won a 2018 James Beard Award in Journalism for his profile of Princess Pamela published on Food52.

1 Comment

Whiteantlers March 24, 2017
Definitely the seersucker pants, because the East coast gets so hot and humid in the summer and I've gotta wipe my hands somewhere and of course, the muffler so I can keep my hands warm in the winter PLUS smuggle Cheetos and Sweetos in the movie theater.