If you’ve come up dry for affordable gift options for your mother this Sunday, don’t fret. KFC’s got your back.
Late last week, the fast food chain announced that it’d be releasing a romance novella, Tender Wings of Desire, with Colonel Harland Sanders himself as the romantic subject. It is 96 pages long, available for free on Amazon’s Kindle e-reader, and absolutely not a joke.
The novella’s subject is the young Lady Madeline Parker, born into nobility in Victorian England, who runs away from home and takes up a job as a barmaid. There, she meets a handsome, goateed-and-bespectacled sailor named Harland Sanders, a man with a bewitchingly confounding past. The book parrots the language and vocabulary of the bargain bin romance novels you’d find in a grocery store, with cover art to match. Reviews are split evenly down the middle (“This was about as awkward as an Ostrich on rollerskates,” a 1-star review claims—a glowing endorsement). Its subtitle, “A Colonel Sanders Novella,” implies this book won’t be the last of its kind.
Well, I sure hope so. I spent some time with the book this morning, finding it more absorbing than KFC's middling chicken jingles from late last year, entranced from the first line onward. “Of all the things that Lady Madeline Parker disliked about her life, the one that constantly stuck out in her brain was her hatred of embroidery,” it reads. What a lede! The novella contains a good number of zingers, some of which I picked up on during my speed read. They include:
Enchanting, no? If your mother’s the kind to appreciate this endearingly silly PR stunt and you’re tight on money, consider the quandary of her Mother's Day gift solved. And if you aren’t a mother, treat yourself.
Read Tender Wings of Desire, pick out the silliest lines, and share them in the comments.