Ego vs. Etiquette: How Not To Be Offended By Someone Who Puts Ketchup on EVERYTHING?

Now that Thanksgiving is over, there's an etiquette question I've been meaning to ask. I love to cook, and do so for myself and my partner on a regular basis. For the most part, he is an enthusiastic and appreciative fan of my cooking, yet I still have one pet peeve: often without even tasting first, he immediately puts sriracha hot sauce on everything (I said ketchup in the title as I imagine this may be the more common problem for others). Even when I plead with him to at least try it first, he'll do so, but then still insist on adding it, explaining, "I like it spicy." On the one hand, it's his food and I want to be respectful of his desire and right to season it the way he wants, but on the other hand, without being too precious about it, I do think that the meal a cook offers is (at its best) like a perfectly composed picture - you've worked to make all the flavors right, each in its right place and complementing one another. When I see the sriracha sauce going on, I feel like my effort was wasted and its intentions ignored. Put another way, it's kind of like a gift you're giving - and isn't it bad manners for the recipient to immediately start trying to rearrange the teeth in the gift horse's mouth? Should I just get over myself, swallow my cooking ego, and let him enjoy it the way he wants it? Or is there some form of etiquette that says, short of a bit of salt and pepper here and there, this kind of flavor adjustment is rude?

Posted by: Salt Tooth
November 23, 2012

39848 views
22 Comments

22 Comments

Ramón November 7, 2024

Why do people insist that they know how a food tastes best to someone else? We all have different body chemistries, different taste buds. I had an uncle who insisted that I eat his steak the way he cooked it; charred on the outside, bloody on the inside, and not at all tasty. Just salt and pepper when he cooked it. No consideration for anyone else's taste buds or feelings for that matter.
He, like those who insist we taste (or heaven forbid) eat the food as it is cooked sans condiment, made himself into a minor ubermensch of Steak. The cook (chef) is not a Food L0RD. A cook/chef is a servant, and only a servant's heart makes a good person.

dstratton May 10, 2020

I'm sorry, but it's rude to add seasonings to the cook's food before tasting it. It shows a lack of confidence in their ability, an assumption that it will be better with said seasoning than it would be without and shows a callous lack of understanding of the effort and care that went into the process of making it.

People who love to cook, put great effort into making a meal pleasing. Offering it to their spouse or guest is a gesture of love and to add to it BEFORE tasting it is rude. It's not being a "food nazi" to want something you created to be appreciated. It's a blatant disregard to the person cooking the food.

nance February 21, 2019

Two things here: One, an old saying that might be applicable is "When you give someone a goat, let go of the rope." Think of your food as a Gift. What a recipient does with a Gift is up to him.

Second, a person's palate is...personal. I love cooking and creating dishes, but stubbornly cling to Three Ketchup Shamefuls--I put it on eggs, mac-n-cheese, and, tragically, roast lamb! That last one kills me SO BAD. But I love it. Everyone has his/her Weird Food Thing. Let it go.

Miss_Karen February 20, 2019

It's a drag that people have to 'season' their food with whatever before tasting it. You could make it bland on purpose & say it didn't matter since you knew they preferred the taste of_______ over whatever you used as a carefully considered component. Yes, it's a bit snarky,but it might make you feel better (once)😉

J February 19, 2019

No help but I feel the same about hot sauce.

Dwight February 16, 2019

In regards to eating out:
I get HIGHLY annoyed with food Nazis. What they are really saying is that they care infinitely more about their stupid pet peeves than they do about the enjoyment of others over what they eat. Some of these people need psychiatric help. I get so incensed over this arrogance and pettiness of the critics that I actually go out of my way to annoy them. I am from Chicago and have fond memories of the many times I made the ketchup haters cringe. These "people" need to be confronted with their stupidity and bias.

nutcakes January 26, 2018

The Siracha people are completely different from the Ketchup people. They have different roots. So you lost me.

BerryBaby January 26, 2018

Hot pepper flakes are becoming the new salt/pepper. Drives me nuts! I make an incredible meal and then certain people insist on sprinkling red pepper flakes before tasting the dish. Go out to eat, there are red pepper flakes on the table, have no idea when it started.

Mark M. January 25, 2018

I was taught early on by my Southern belle mother that putting salt on food before you taste it is an insult to the chef at a restaurant and an insult to the hostess at a dinner party. Then I worked for a Japanese company for 10 years, and in my time over there learned that putting wasabi on sushi before tasting it, or drowning it in soy sauce, is an insult to the sushi chef. So obviously this is a universal rule that crosses cultural boundaries - it's not just you. Now if you are a chef in a restaurant or hosting a dinner party, you just have to grin and bear it, but when it is your significant other doing it, you can and should say something. First tell him that when he does that he is sending you the message your food is not good enough the way you prepared it, which is hurtful. Ask him why liking everything spicy is more important to him than your feelings. Second, tell him that his habit is likely to insult friends who invite you over for dinner and embarrass both of you. Third, tell him that not all food is supposed to be spicy, and certainly not all food is supposed to taste like Sriracha's particular flavor profile, and people who want all their food to taste the same look immature and ignorant, and like mindless sheep who simply jumped on the played-out fad of making everything taste like Sriracha. If none of that works, start making really good food just for yourself and tell him he can order out and ruin someone else's food.

Sam1148 January 25, 2018

One thing about sushi. Almost all of the grab and go sushi even from whole foods and quite a few of the chain stores in strip malls do not use wasabi under the fish. So if I get a grab and go Sushi I almost always have to disassemble the nirigi and remake it.

Mark M. January 25, 2018

Sam1148, that's a fair point, and with takeaway food the chef never sees you eat it, so no chance of insulting him/her by the way you eat it.

Salt T. December 4, 2012

Thanks to everyone who chimed in with thoughts on this! Just to be clear, I'm not that perturbed about it - and I'm certainly not considering ending the relationship because of it! - it was more just that I wanted to know how others have dealt with this situation. But don't worry, I know it's a small issue in the big scheme of things!

luvcookbooks November 28, 2012

my older brother puts ketchup on everything and eats like a 5 year old (crunchy things only, foods can't touch each other). on the other hand, my younger brother died at 32 of a rare cancer and my older sister has Down's syndrome and has not lived with our family in my lifetime. Count your blessings.

Melusine November 27, 2012

The Friend and I are in Pakistan, in an area where everything seems to be seasoned with stale white pepper, and too much of it. One explanation we were given: The people's palates become so used to the over-seasoning, they can't taste anything that isn't. It's also why lassis and yogurt is so popular over here -- soothes the tummy-burn from all the pepper. So, it's a 'can't taste' thing, not an actual preference. I used to cringe when a friend would go rooting through my spice cupboard for cayenne pepper, no matter what the entree. I ended up just putting some in a little ramekin for her. Still cringed, but tried not to show it.

siryn511 November 25, 2012

I have the same problem with my husband (blue cheese on everything) and daughter (has to dip everything in ketchup. It used to bug me but I've had to get over it because there are more important battles to fight. Also I've found that some of it was done just to because it annoyed me.

threefresheggs November 24, 2012

I have the exact same problem! Though, my partner does vary the hot-pepper-delivery-condiment widely. I have no answers, but I too, feel your pain.

CaramelBlond November 24, 2012

That irritates me no end but, as long as it is not on my plate, I try to ignore it.

pierino November 23, 2012

Sriracha is the new ketchup. Don't take this person to Chicago where the use of ketchup on anything is banned practically by law.

jsdunbar November 23, 2012

I'm old enough to remember that a chef at the White House quit because his food was salted before being tasted. I had to teach my husband to taste before automatically adding salt. When he (finally) understood that it truly hurt my feelings he learned to taste the food as I had seasoned it, rather than as he had liked all food to taste. I feel your pain. You'll have to decide if/when this is going to be a daily heartbreaker or or whether you can accept that, sadly, he'll never enjoy the subtleties & depths of flavour that you do in your cooking. In my case there was also the health issue that comes with a high salt diet

SKK November 23, 2012

Option 1 - let him enjoy it the way he wants because he isn't going to change. Remember, what you resist persists. Let it go and he may come around, or not.

Diana B. November 23, 2012

Seasoning food before you taste it is considered rude and an insult to the chef. You've asked him to stop and he won't, so I guess it comes down to how big an issue you want to make this in your relationship.

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Reiney November 23, 2012

I think you're taking it all a bit too personally - don't sweat the small stuff.

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Ego vs. Etiquette: How Not To Be Offended By Someone Who Puts Ketchup on EVERYTHING?

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