Every week we take a peek inside the lunches of the luckiest kids in Brooklyn. Read on, suppress your jealousy, and get a little brown bag inspiration.
Sometimes I feel like an idiot posting school lunches with smoked salmon and chive flowers—I can see how I might look out-of-touch, unrealistic, or (ouch!) living in a Brooklyn bubble. There is likely some truth to this, too. But I thought I'd take a moment to explain why I put forth these lunches. I don't write these posts to show you that I'm a better parent. I'm not. Nor do I shuffle around in my pjs at 7 a.m., taking photos in a windowsill, just to show off all the "crazy" things our kids will eat. Ask my kids what their favorite food is, and they will say "pasta," just like most kids would. There are plenty of days when my kids are getting rolled up slices of ham and cheese, crackers, and an apple—I figure you don't need me to show you how to assemble this time-tested kids offering. I don't have any special technique for rolling ham, promise!
But I, like you, have a desire to get my kids to love eating, to value the huge variety of food the world offers us, to keep their minds and palates stimulated and curious, and to help them eat healthily. I also have a personal philosophy that teaching kids to explore new-to-them flavors keeps them open-minded to the world—to different ideas, different opinions, and different cultures. I also believe that we, as parents, are responsible for educating and socializing our kids at the table. Just as we insist that our children do their homework, we need to insist that they eat new foods—even if they don't always like them. Life is enriched by compromise, sharing, and challenges—and all of these can be taught at the table. I would even argue that these lessons are more important than math homework, as they affect every aspect of your life.
You may wonder how we get our kids to eat kale and clams, and here is the answer: we make them (we're warm but firm), and we don't offer choices. Psychologists will tell you that kids respond to consistency and confidence. While I can't say I'm great at this when it comes to bedtime, I never waver at the table. People don't want to hear this because we live in the Age of Coddling but I strongly believe that kids need and actually crave guidance and direction, especially when they're young. And since I also believe that we should eat the same meals as our kids—showing unity and companionship—I don't want to eat boring food, so they're not getting boring food.
There is another reason I take this approach: I want our kids to see the table as a welcoming place. Whether or not they will eat their dinner has never been a conversation topic at meals, so we're able to talk about other things, like the song they just learned or the details of a soccer game. And when I do offer options—I'm not an ogre; I do value self-expression—it's received as a joyful treat. For instance, we do make-your-own fish tacos; or they'll get to decide on the components of a salad; or I'll give them a choice between rhubarb crumble or cookies for dessert. By leading them from the early days, our lives at the table have been easy—a place with rules, respect, and calm.
Feeding your children in this way is not easy to pull off every day. So here, in this weekly post, I display the best idea I have that week—I do it for you, of course, but I also do it for myself, to push myself. Parenting can sometimes feel solitary—you are alone making decisions and all of your actions have profound effects on your children. It's difficult to constantly motivate yourself to get better in all areas of parenting. I've found that writing this simple column has held me accountable for the effort I put into my kids' lunches and has inspired me to do more. You've unknowingly supported me along the way by reading. And I thought it was time to thank you.
The lunch: baked and smoked salmon spread with chive flowers, pickled mustard seeds, dill, and sturdy lettuce on dark rye bread; strawberries; and drbabs' Magical Marvelous Memorable Cookies (I used light brown sugar, which is why they look different from our recipe photo).
What's in your lunch today? See some of the twins' past lunches.
Written by: Amanda Hesser
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28 Comments
I'd just like to share that I am the parent of a picky eater even though my husband and I have always eaten a wide variety of foods. We alway offer and encourage our children to try different foods. However, for many of my youngest child's early years, it was often frustrating because they were consistently rejected. When my child turned 8, his world began to open up beyond 'white foods'. He saw his cousins eating sushi and began to explore more options. Now at 10 years old, he's eager to explore the adult menu and try all sorts of new fruits, vegetables and proteins of many colors. I'd just like to offer some hope to those parents who are trying and trying but might have a sensitive child. Eat the food you love and offer it with relish - It will show your child how wonderful food can be - and if he or she doesn't enjoy it then at least you will! p.s. I don't think my kids would eat any of the lunches that Amanda has ever posted. I'm fine with that. They eat lots of other healthy sandwiches and left-overs!
Thanks for your great columns!
It has actually inspired us to broaden our meals .
A European acquaintance who is living in the US said to me, "We should be feeding our children the best food. Why is it that people here choose to serve their children the worst food?" She's right! Why is it that people who know how important it is to put good fuel in their cars don't think to put good fuel into their little ones?
I work as a pediatric occupational therapist and it breaks my heart to see children living on cheddar goldfish, chicken nuggets, and Oreo cookies. So many behavioral and academic problems would be lessened if children ate better food. In order to manufacture the necessary neurotransmitters {serotonin and dopamine} that children need to focus for extended periods, filter out distractions, curb impulses, solve problems, and tolerate frustration, they have to consume plenty of foods that contain their essential building blocks. Those are, of course, fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Growing brains need long chain fatty acids in order to develop neurological connections and lay down tracks. Children who eat a lot of food with denatured fats {denaturing fats prevents spoilage and break downs during deep frying} are at risk for neurological impairment and decreased IQ's.
Children are highly susceptible to inflammation. Eating foods that contain high amounts of pesticides, sugars, gluten, dairy, dried corn products and peanuts are at risk for gut and joint problems, among other long term health problems.
Two books that I like to recommend to parents are "Cure Your Child With Food" by Kelly Dorfman and "French Kids Eat Everything," by Karen Le Billon.
Even the pickiest eater will eat the healthiest food on his plate if he's hungry enough. If we stop doling out the goldfish, and make sure that children are hungry at mealtimes by making sure that they get enough exercise, they will eat what is set before them.
Thank you so very much for being a good example, Amanda. I think I'll add this column to my recommendations so that parents can see the possibilities {I live in NYC, so everyone has this kind of food available to them here}.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2015/05/28/no-you-cant-have-a-snack/
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0978858603/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=43720129195&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12875933948873948881&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_3mnvauma2z_b
Our first child was an adventurous eater until about 2, then we entered what I call the "dark period." Our second was never very adventurous, and is now 4--she at least know she has to try things even if she does't like them. Our third is just 2 and loves pretty much everything we place in front of him.
Here is the best part though! After 5 1/2 years of being made to try foods, our oldest (now nearly 8) is coming out the other side of this "dark period." He tries new foods willingly and often likes them. It only took 5 1/2 years of cajoling and insisting. It is great to see that is going to pay off in the end. Just 3 more years until his sister comes out of her life-long "dark period."
Though the word "lazy" was not used, the phrase "the Age of Coddling" was. This implies that those that don't do the strategy coddle their children. I'm not opposed to the strategy at all but I don't think it is out of line to feel like there is a subtle judgement being conveyed here.
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