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If Media Brands Were Cocktails, What Would They Be?

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Some people have spirit animals. We think media companies should have spirit cocktails. Here's what they would be:

  • Thrillist: literally the best margarita in the city, slammed back with a tower of America's craziest bacon-wrapped, beer-battered burgers
  • Buzzfeed: 27 Versions of the Black and Blue Every Lazy Bartender Needs to Know (a variation on a Black and Tan; half of our staff refers to this as the White and Gold) 
  • Bon Appétit: ANYTHING with Campari in the winter; a Budweiser tallboy on ice in the summer, bro
  • Epicurious: whatever Bon Appétit drinks
  • Yahoo Food: whatever Epicurious drinks
  • Eater: whatever the Torrisi boys drink 
  • The Kitchn: a glass of Sauvignon Blanc with a one-ingredient ice cube
  • Business Insider: an Elijah Craig Manhattan, hold the cherries. (Cherries are reserved for the media companies who wrote the original story.)
  • Wall St. Journal: bone dry gin martini, single olive
  • Kinfolk: whiskey from a porcelain flask next to a yew tree campfire, or whatever they're drinking in Scandinavia right now 
  • New York Times: consistently reliable scotch our father introduced to us years ago, poured at the same time each day
  • Saveur: we have no idea; check back in the next redesign
  • Martha Stewart Living: peony liqueur Pimm's cup, served in jail
  • Readers' Digest: we don't need a drink; laughter is the best medicine
  • Lucky Peach: the Phil Khallins from Mission Chinese, Bowie on vinyl playing in the background (we'd tell you the album but you've probably never heard of it)
  • Serious Eats: more like signature slice, are we right?
  • Cherry Bombe: Champagne, chaser of second glass of Champagne
  • Grub Street: whatever the latest bar is serving, sipped from some sort of edible vessel by Dominique Ansel
  • Vice: rebel moonshine in a hideout with ISIS 
  • Tasting Table: a gin and tonic made with a centrifuge by Dave Arnold in our test kitchen 
  • Food & Wine: anything with muddled fruit handed to us before we get in a gondola in Aspen
  • FWx: shots in the gondola on the way back down the mountain
  • Goop: green juice spiked with a splash of vodka + 6 1/2 almonds 
  • New Yorker: last year, at this time, we were gifted a pricey bottle, which we will now pull from the cabinet and drink, neat
  • Pure Wow: Flirtinis!
  • The Awl: that bottle someone left in our fridge from that party one time 
  • Food52: Amanda's mother's recipe for an Americano served in a copper cup priced at $100 

Tags: media cocktails, buzzfeed, off-duty drinks