Food52's Automagic Holiday Menu Maker
Food52's Automagic Holiday Menu Maker
Choose your holiday adventure! Our Automagic Menu Maker is here to help.
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20 Comments
Deb A.
November 21, 2016
Gena thank you for such a compassionate article. As a recovering person who lived in the world of food obsession for much of my life, but now gratefully have lived 25 years or so in a state of recovery, I really appreciated you article. So many dynamics come into play, especially at the holidays, with emotions, and so much food tied in with family traditions etc. it can be a minefield. I feel grateful for a supportive family who lets me be me, but I know everyone is not so lucky. Your article brought up many feelings. I hope that I can be the one to reach out to anyone still suffering. There are a lot of us trying to hide our pain.
Hannah P.
November 20, 2016
Gena, you are amazing and this is incredibly moving. I hope you have a wonderful festive season xxxxx
MarieGlobetrotter
November 19, 2016
Thank you for putting words on my feelings. As a 32 year old suffering from anorexia, the approaching festive season is a dreadful moment and you managed to explain it in simple manner.
I've had anorexia for 5 years and EVERY day is a struggle. Every hour is spent battling constant hunger. So imagine what it feels like when there is so much food around you, when all people talk about in the media and on the street is good. Considering that I see my family only once or twice a year due to long distances between us, I want to make moments linke Christmas precious and memorable. Unfortunately, meals are a nightmare for me. I suffer from the fact that I can't taste the delicious food cooked by my brother who adores to cook and has been extremely supportive. By now my parents and siblings seem to understand the fact that, in my mind, "one bite feels like a matter of life and death", that eating a single bite ignites a fear that only people with anorexia can understand.
So thank you, for explaining it so well to those who know people who suffer from an eating disorder.I can't imagine what it feels like for parents, siblings and friends to see one of their loved ones battle with anorexia. The feeling of helpless must be terrible. Yet their presence, support and understanding helps me every day.
I've had anorexia for 5 years and EVERY day is a struggle. Every hour is spent battling constant hunger. So imagine what it feels like when there is so much food around you, when all people talk about in the media and on the street is good. Considering that I see my family only once or twice a year due to long distances between us, I want to make moments linke Christmas precious and memorable. Unfortunately, meals are a nightmare for me. I suffer from the fact that I can't taste the delicious food cooked by my brother who adores to cook and has been extremely supportive. By now my parents and siblings seem to understand the fact that, in my mind, "one bite feels like a matter of life and death", that eating a single bite ignites a fear that only people with anorexia can understand.
So thank you, for explaining it so well to those who know people who suffer from an eating disorder.I can't imagine what it feels like for parents, siblings and friends to see one of their loved ones battle with anorexia. The feeling of helpless must be terrible. Yet their presence, support and understanding helps me every day.
Denise L.
November 18, 2016
Thank you for this article. This awareness is so timely. Im the mother of 2 daughters with ED and it is so difficult to know how to do what is right. Thank you thank you thank you.
DTL1
DTL1
Nina K.
November 17, 2016
Thank you for writing this Gina. I am very familiar with these struggles, the anxiety, the need to plan, the aggravated responses from friends and outright exasperation from family members. To the point where I much preferred spending holidays alone! I hope this gets shared. Thanks again.
melissa
November 17, 2016
Thank you for sharing this, Gena. I have been reading your recipes for a while now (even before food52) and they always inspire me. I want to bookmark this in case I ever need it in the future. I hope this gets shared far and wide around the internet!
Chuck B.
November 17, 2016
This waa all very well put. I think it's important to break down the walls of eating disorders.
Please remember that eating disorders come in many forms. Someone doesn't have to "look hungry" to struggle around food. For me, I would (and still sometimes do) get anxious eating in front of others, then binge later when no one was looking. A lot of this stemmed from (good intentioned) conversation about dieting and spreading negatively about food being a constant in our family. I would sometimes even be praised for my restraint around food. It was only recently that I realized that this could be classified under eating disorders. Since I was always overweight before "recovering", that idea never crossed my mind, and, as far as I know, was never considered by those around me.
At least personally, I feel as though recovery is an ongoing part of life. I love food and I love making food, but my relationship with food is not always the best. Please remember this around your friends and family...especially around kids/teenagers, even if they don't seem at risk at all. Those comments stick!
Please remember that eating disorders come in many forms. Someone doesn't have to "look hungry" to struggle around food. For me, I would (and still sometimes do) get anxious eating in front of others, then binge later when no one was looking. A lot of this stemmed from (good intentioned) conversation about dieting and spreading negatively about food being a constant in our family. I would sometimes even be praised for my restraint around food. It was only recently that I realized that this could be classified under eating disorders. Since I was always overweight before "recovering", that idea never crossed my mind, and, as far as I know, was never considered by those around me.
At least personally, I feel as though recovery is an ongoing part of life. I love food and I love making food, but my relationship with food is not always the best. Please remember this around your friends and family...especially around kids/teenagers, even if they don't seem at risk at all. Those comments stick!
Gena H.
November 18, 2016
This is such an important comment, Chuck, thank you. Yes, disordered eating may show up as restriction, but it can also show up with a ton of different behaviors, and what's being modeled publicly is not always indicative of the whole struggle. By "looking hungry," I actually meant the clear longing that I'm sure I conveyed around food when I was struggling -- not shape or size. My experience has been that many EDs go unnoticed because people on the outside have drawn incorrect assumptions based on body shape; sadly, even healthcare practitioners sometimes miss or fail to screen properly for this reason. We have a lot of work to do.
Hannah P.
November 20, 2016
yes, the 'longing' is in the eyes more than anything else and the hunger is not just for food but for love and life and joy and freedom
VeganWithaYoYo
November 17, 2016
This was a wonderful article. I'm a psychiatrist who doesn't focus on eating disorders, but has of course treated them and will do so in the future. One thing I've seen time and again (and you touched on it so beautifully here) is that the people who eat with my patient (often their parents) spend enormous amounts of time talking about how healthy their food is, and will even talk about overweight people in a negative way IN FRONT OF THEIR CHILD WITH AN EATING DISORDER! While of course there are many factors at play, and everyone is different, it's so important that people not constantly reinforce that food is bad and eating is shameful.
So yeah. I'm very very glad that you wrote this, and I think that just before Thanksgiving is the perfect time to do so!
So yeah. I'm very very glad that you wrote this, and I think that just before Thanksgiving is the perfect time to do so!
anon
November 17, 2016
Thank you for writing this! My mother in law became anorexic 27 years ago, and while she claims she is "cured," she is super, super restrictive about what she eats. Basically nothing with any fat, no carbs- chicken, vegetables, salmon. I love to cook and host parties, and I LOVE food, and truthfully it's really hard for me to understand where she's coming from. I feel angry towards her because of it, actually, so thank you for writing something that might help me be a little more empathetic- I've been trying to work on that.
And if you're checking comments, wondering what your thoughts are on this- I make basically a separate meal or second entrée for her every time she comes over...so if we're all having baked ziti, I also have to make grilled chicken and a vegetable for her. I never know if that's a good or bad idea, like am I helping or hurting her by doing that? It drives me nuts to have to do, but the few times I didn't make an extra dinner and she had to live on salad, I felt really bad...
And if you're checking comments, wondering what your thoughts are on this- I make basically a separate meal or second entrée for her every time she comes over...so if we're all having baked ziti, I also have to make grilled chicken and a vegetable for her. I never know if that's a good or bad idea, like am I helping or hurting her by doing that? It drives me nuts to have to do, but the few times I didn't make an extra dinner and she had to live on salad, I felt really bad...
Cecilia
November 18, 2016
From the perspective of someone who has struggled, and continues to struggle, with an eating disorder, I would offer respect and admiration for your continued patience and support of your mother-in-law, particularly by making sure that there is "safe food" available for her--you're enabling her to participate in the company and social activity of the meal, even if she is eating something different. While preparing and eating a specific meal is certainly part of the social gathering, it is not the only part of it--simply sitting down together at a table is a large part of it. Your preparation of a separate meal for her is not likely to have any effect on her eating disorder, good or bad--however, what it is doing is enabling her to participate in a joint activity that would otherwise be painful and scary for her, and I'm sure she is very grateful for that; I know that, to me, such an act would be a blessed gift. I think that, if you are able, continuing to offer her this gesture, along with some comment acknowledging that she is, of course, welcome to partake in the main dish as well, would be the best course of action.
Gena H.
November 18, 2016
Hi Anon. I echo Cecilia's thoughts (and Cecilia, thank you for sharing so bravely and beautifully). I'm not sure what a treatment provider or a professional would say, but my instinct as someone who has dwelt within disordered eating is that your offering of special food options is probably a deeply appreciated gesture that helps to make family gatherings more cohesive. I know that it might feel like a form of enabling, or a validation of restrictive behaviors. And I think there can be space to gently challenge someone you love on those, but I'm not sure that space is a holiday table or a family gathering -- especially since your mother in law will probably not eat whatever is being served if she doesn't have the special option. In my mind, that's a far more alienating and divisive option than creating a special meal -- even though I realize it's extra work for you, and it must feel like an imperfect solution for everyone. And I do agree with Cecilia that taking a stand, as it were, and not preparing something for her would probably not have the effect of changing the course of her eating disorder -- while offering her something she feels safe eating is at least likely to make the holiday more pleasurable for her (and by extension, for you).
sarah
November 18, 2016
hello anon, you are a wonderful person for trying and reflecting so much. I agree with Cecilia very much, as I have struggled/am struggling too. As to what Gena said (you wrote a fantastic, very well put article, by the way!), I don't think you should (at least in my case that wouldn't have been good) 'gently challenge' someone with an ED.
My example: My boyfriend and I began dating 3 years ago. In their household it is tradition to party into a birthday, so everyone can congratulate at 00.00am. There is always a HUGE pizza for the 6-10 people, but also salad. It was stressing me out to think I had to eat pizza, too. But my boyfriend explained my illness to his mother (the on 'in charge' for these kinds of parties) and I could eat salad. Everyone knew about it and it was okay. No one judged openly and this created a safe space for me over the years.
That being said, for me, the therapist was the only one to correct my behavior, the only one qualified. Please never forget that trying to positively change a mentally ill person without training is dangerous for all parties!
And at last I just have to tell everyone: a few days ago was my birthday, and for the first time I ate a piece of cake with my boyfriends family! I'm so proud!
My example: My boyfriend and I began dating 3 years ago. In their household it is tradition to party into a birthday, so everyone can congratulate at 00.00am. There is always a HUGE pizza for the 6-10 people, but also salad. It was stressing me out to think I had to eat pizza, too. But my boyfriend explained my illness to his mother (the on 'in charge' for these kinds of parties) and I could eat salad. Everyone knew about it and it was okay. No one judged openly and this created a safe space for me over the years.
That being said, for me, the therapist was the only one to correct my behavior, the only one qualified. Please never forget that trying to positively change a mentally ill person without training is dangerous for all parties!
And at last I just have to tell everyone: a few days ago was my birthday, and for the first time I ate a piece of cake with my boyfriends family! I'm so proud!
anon
November 18, 2016
thank you both for responding!! I feel a lot better about prepping additional stuff for her knowing it isn't really setting her back. I usually do think that meals are about family and inclusiveness, not showing off in the kitchen, so helping her to feel welcome and included is the most important. Thank you.
Gena H.
November 18, 2016
Sarah: congratulations on enjoying the cake. I know what those moments mean in the course of recovery, and I'm so glad for you!
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