To make the dreamiest, creamiest scrambled eggs, you don't need any additional ingredients: No cream or half-and-half or crème fraîche; no cornstarch or potato starch; no "who's-its and what's-its galore."
But what you do need is a blender.
And while this doesn't bother me—I rip-roar through the kitchen using every utensil and appliance in site—, perhaps it will irk you. (Commenters, have at it!)
There, on the left, is our destination. And there, on the right, is how we'll get there.
While "there are many ways to [scramble eggs], and all of them are good, there is one perfect way," Kord writes. And the only "secret" to the Platonic scramble, according to Kord?
Crack the eggs into a blender and puree on the lowest setting until the eggs are totally uniform.
When the yolks and whites are completely blended together...
...your scrambled eggs will taste better than if they are only partially mixed with a fork. I think it's that the uniformity in the protein composition allows the eggs to cook more evenly and gives you a much smoother texture [...]. They are so delicious that people will ask you if you put milk or cheese in them, and you will say, 'No,' and they will respect you for it but will still be a little dubious.
And, in my experience, it's true! I tasted the eggs and dropped my jaw. They were homogenous and lush, creamy but not damp, good to eat on their own but also the ideal consistency for a sandwich. And they had a pure eggy-in-a-good-way flavor, not dulled at all by intervening dairy products.
They were the best scrambled I had ever made.
Here's how it works:
Blend four eggs, letting the machine whir for just 3 to 5 seconds, until the eggs are totally uniform and a bit frothy. (You can try this with a whisk, but I believe you can achieve with a blender what you cannot by hand.)
2. Pour the eggs from the blender into a nonstick pan, add 1 teaspoon butter and 1/2 teaspoon salt, and set over medium-low heat.
3. Use a heatproof rubber spatula to stir the eggs well until they just start to set.
4. Now slow your stirring, allow large curds to develop. "Scrambled eggs should have curds about the size of a quarter," Kord writes. "We are not making those goofy French ones that look like cottage cheese; we are making something that looks like what your mom made for you when you were a kid. But the perfect version of that."
5. When you have glossy, quarter-sized curds, you're done. Eat! Rejoice! Resolve to keep your blender in a more readily-accessible place.
I know there are a lot of ways to scramble eggs, and a lot of claims of perfection, but I'm declaring an allegiance: From here on out, this is my actual go-to method—blender and all.
A (former) student of English, a lover of raisins, a user of comma splices. My spirit animal is an eggplant. I'm probably the person who picked all of the cookie dough out of the cookie dough ice cream. For that, I'm sorry.