You need to up the fat content. In addition to serving with sour cream and cheese you can also try adding some butter or olive oil straight to the pot.
It depends on how much too spicy! Somewhat too spicy can be saved with tomato paste and milk. You can use sour cream, of course, if you don't care about fat content (I'd still mix in a some tomato paste. Way too spicy doesn't have to be thrown out- freeze it in small, separate containers. The next time you make chili, add a container of the extra spicy stuff before you add additional spice- you may not need much more!
Alas, not really, other than increasing the volume of the non-spicy ingredients to dilute the spiciness. If you don't mind the calories, serving the chili with a large dollop of sour cream (or mashed avocado) should counteract some of the perception of "heat."
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