Valentine's Day

11 Valentine's Dishes for When You Don't Give a Flip

February 13, 2014

Whatever, Hallmark. Whatever, pink-frosted cookies in windowsills and heartwarming ABC Family specials and imploring stuffed bears. Maybe you have a sweetie, maybe you don't -- as Rhett Butler would say, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." And neither should you.

This year, you don't have to get a Valentine for everyone in your class. Heck, you don't even have to leave the house -- because this Friday the 14th (more like Friday the 13th, amirite?), we're giving exactly zero hoots. We're going to eat what we want, when we want, preferably in our PJ's on the sofa with a bottle of wine in one hand and a slasher movie on TV. Because who cares about whether you have garlic on your breath or some spinach in your teeth -- embrace it. You don't give a flip.

These dishes are not the prettiest. They're not the sexiest. They're not even the cutest. But by golly, they are delicious. 

Shop the Story

Picklebacks by Marian Bull

Because you might as well start your night off with pickle juice and whiskey. Sort of like an aperitif, but the opposite of classy.

 Picklebacks on Food52


Fatted Calf's Meatloaf by Toponia Miller

Meatloaf is probably the least sexy food in the world. Get on your stretch-band sweats so you can match.

Fatted Calf's Meatloaf on Food52


Spinach, Mushrooms and Cream for Dinner by Nicholas

 At this point, you should probably eat a dish that's 50% cream for dinner. Then chase it with a pickle back.

Spinach, Mushrooms, and Cream for Dinner on Food52


Sweet Potato Chana Masala by Jestei

It's not winning any fashion shows and it'll make your clothes smell like Indian takeout, but eh -- we love it.

Sweet Potato Chana Masala on Food52


Bulgogi Jerky by savorthis

Jerky for dinner. Enough said.

Bulgogi Jerky on Food52


Scotch Eggs by molly yeh

Instead of poaching or scrambling or frittata-izing your eggs, you're coating them in sausage and frying them. Heh.

Scotch Eggs on Food52


Whipped Chocolate Caramel Ganache by sdebrango

 No cake. Just frosting. Best eaten with your fingers.

Whipped Chocolate Caramel Ganache on Food52


 Linguine with Sardines, Fennel and Tomato by lastnightsdinner

This dish makes the cut because it will make your breath smell like fish and it's hard to eat neatly. But so easy to enjoy.

Linguine with Sardines, Fennel and Tomato on Food52


Robert Vergé's Fried Eggs with Wine Vinegar by Genius Recipes

This vinegar is acidic and bitter, like your soul. 

Robert Verge's Fried Eggs with Wine Vinegar on Food52


Grilled Garlic Toast by Merrill Stubbs

Keep away vampires and potential lovers with this garlic toast. Two birds with one stone!

Grilled Garlic Toast on Food52


Yum Dogs by vvanessa

 This hot dog is wrapped in bacon. Pretty self-explanatory.

Yum Dogs on Food52

What do you eat when you just don't care? Let us know in the comments!

Join the Conversation

See what other Food52 readers are saying.

  • Tracie
  • Helene Bergstrand
    Helene Bergstrand
  • olive
  • Meghan
  • Shelli Owens
    Shelli Owens
A kitchen scientist and dog-lover. Someday I want to have you over for dinner.


Tracie February 4, 2015
best post ever.
Helene B. February 14, 2014
Best Valentines dishes ever. I will go for the garlic bread. Thank you.
olive February 14, 2014
Hilarious! I love this post! I have a partner too- I just can't give it up for hallmark- so it's such a treat - such a treat- not to feel like I HAVE to make filet mignon and beurre blanc and molten chocolate cake and truffles and chocolate dipped everything. So glad to see someone else on the same page!

anyway the go to "meal" is a stock pot of popcorn with a stick of butter, yeast, and chocolate chips thrown in. and a bottle of red.
Meghan February 14, 2014
My go-to meal when I just couldn't care is usually cereal in an oversized coffee mug. If I'm feeling extra fancy, I'll put in a glug of milk. And as for this Valentine's Day menu; it sounds like the kind that would give Cupid a heart attack.

I'm not saying that's a bad thing.
Kenzi W. February 14, 2014
We're cereal-out-of-oversized-coffee-mug soulmates.
Brette W. February 14, 2014
Sometimes I eat cereal out of a giant mixing bowl.
Meghan February 15, 2014
My mixing bowls are reserved for mac-and-cheese aka my go to when I need carelessness AND comfort.
Shelli O. February 13, 2014
Excellent way to win the interwebs with snark and rad food. Huzzah!
Sietske V. February 13, 2014
30 weeks pregnant. Feel and look like a manatee. I'm grumpy and don't want none of this gushy lovey Valentine's crap (do bring me some chocolates, dear.)

This menu is perfect.

Bah humbug!
BeverlyW February 13, 2014
This article totally cracked me up and hit me right in my funny bone! Thanks for the chuckles, especially on such a super snowy day (again, again, again). I am going to have to make that frosting - I always make a double batch of frosting for my husband's birthday cakes, as he subscribes to the point of view that the point of the cake is to serve as a minimal vehicle for LOTS of delicious frosting. This idea takes it to a whole new level - just frosting! Perfecto!
AntoniaJames February 13, 2014
I suppose I count myself among the lucky few who does not remember, seriously, ever not caring "a flip" about a meal. On the other hand, not caring a flip about a holiday? Well, there are plenty of those. But it never affects my choices for what I eat. Life is just too short. That said, I love the humor in this! ;o)
fiveandspice February 13, 2014
Love this. My favorite dinner when I don't care is a bottle of champagne and the rest doesn't matter. Could be a piece of toast or some carrot sticks or maybe a chocolate bar. Champagne makes it classy. ;)
Brette W. February 13, 2014
My go to: a bottle and champagne and a jumbo sized bag of Rold Gold pretzels
Author Comment
Catherine L. February 13, 2014
Do you put the champagne in a glass? If so, too classy. But regardless props to you!
fiveandspice February 13, 2014
Personally, I use a jar. Well, I used to use a jar. Then I bought myself those etched flutes from Provisions, so now I drink my champagne out of those and feel like a lady. Too classy, perhaps, but I'll make up for it with fiery dragon garlic breath.
Jennica February 13, 2014
Love your humor. Wish you were my neighbor.
Author Comment
Catherine L. February 13, 2014
I wish I were your neighbor too!
AntoniaJames February 13, 2014
This is hilarious! Nice job, CL. ;o) P.S. I'm celebrating my 34th VDay with the same guy. I have, since I was a teenager, thought that VDay, Mother's Day and Father's Day were all part of what I've called a "Hallmark conspiracy." I love the excuse for an extra special meal, however, when my work schedule permits.
Author Comment
Catherine L. February 13, 2014
Thanks AJ! I'm totally behind you with the excuse for any special meal. I think it really changes year for year with Valentine's -- one year you may want a three-star meal with your significant other, one year you might want to cook a special meal with your friends, and one year you may want...pickle backs. It's inspiring to hear about your 34 year stretch -- congrats! I hope you have a wonderful February 14th.
Sietske V. February 13, 2014
Yes! Hallmark conspiracy.

My mom always told me to just buy her flowers because it's Tuesday, or because you feel like it, or because... whatever. But not because the calendar says so.
AntoniaJames February 13, 2014
Sietske, your mother is a woman after my own heart! That's exactly what I tell my husband and grown sons. The only difference is that I remind them not to bring flowers, because I'm allergic, but to feel free to poke around the local kitchen shops and lavishly spend, to their hearts' content! ;o)