Ripe avocados—in all their creamy, dreamy, unabashedly green glory—are one of life's many small pleasures; we, like everyone else, love to eat them. We also love kitchen "hacks"—those good ideas that somehow transcend the implication of "good ideas"—as much as the next cook. (Well, as long as they actually work.)
So when we spotted some internet hack-chatter that you can ripen a rock-hard avocado within an hour in the oven—by covering it in aluminum foil so the ethylene gas it emits is trapped close, causing it to hyper-ripen—we held a small celebration to thank the kitchen hack gods.
Even the Kitchn says it works—so long as you don't care about the flavor or texture of your avocado, that is. So what if a quick-ripened avocado tastes like a green banana! So what if it has the texture of a mealy apple!! At least you can cut through it and smash it about on oily toast. All that matters is that you got a good picture to post on (Not)Recipes, right?
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We were so inspired by this trick-hack that we devised a few other ways for quick-ripening your avocados—many of which only require tender loving care. The following is excerpted from our editorial Slack room. Editor's note: Please forgive our typos. Comedy comes quickly and unedited, you know?
After thinking a while, we realized that nothing softens an unripened soul like proper coddling:
But what your hard avocado really wants, rather than to get baked today (we shouldn't have to tell you your avocado isn't a pothead) is an outing. Soccer? Date night? You decide. Watch it melt like butter before your eyes:
But since "testing" is all about throwing things against the wall and seeing what sticks, we wanted to make sure we "tested" these thoroughly.