Long Reads
Why I Ate Nothing but Soup for 54 Days
There were days I was afraid to eat. Now I'm learning to love food again.
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18 Comments
Diane
March 7, 2020
Thank you for sharing some of your journey with us Alex. I am amazed at the great lengths you went to to feel better. And kudos to Tom for sticking by you through your ordeal. You are a very brave woman and an inspiration to all who suffer with GI issues. And I love Washington Heights!
Mariam
March 6, 2020
What an inspirational and touching piece. I totally and thoroughly understand your suffering, Alex.
Unfortunately, nowdays I am living a life that is similar to your past painful time. I can't build a healthy or even a satisfying relationship with food, and the situation worsened because i am experiencing Amenorrhea, weight loss and fear of eating anything; literrally anything and when even try to improve my apetit, the result is always awful. (My mother is crying every day when she see me as i am like a skeleton)
I am also crying every night, can't deal properly with my friends or my social circle.
One of my friends told me that I have to spend some time alone, enjoy the feeling of solitude and try to change my routine (I lost my father suddenly without saying GOODBYE) (I lost my lovely job without any appreciation)...
Sometimes I feel that I really need to focus on myself, love it, eat and do what really makes me happy.
I hope to move to another apartment with a BIG balcony, talk only with birds and listen to Mozart - I think that the good mood, the good relationships and the thoughtful partner will bring my lovely life back and of course will rebuild, or restore my relationship with food and eating , the most beautiful and sacred ritual in my life.
Wish you the best.
Unfortunately, nowdays I am living a life that is similar to your past painful time. I can't build a healthy or even a satisfying relationship with food, and the situation worsened because i am experiencing Amenorrhea, weight loss and fear of eating anything; literrally anything and when even try to improve my apetit, the result is always awful. (My mother is crying every day when she see me as i am like a skeleton)
I am also crying every night, can't deal properly with my friends or my social circle.
One of my friends told me that I have to spend some time alone, enjoy the feeling of solitude and try to change my routine (I lost my father suddenly without saying GOODBYE) (I lost my lovely job without any appreciation)...
Sometimes I feel that I really need to focus on myself, love it, eat and do what really makes me happy.
I hope to move to another apartment with a BIG balcony, talk only with birds and listen to Mozart - I think that the good mood, the good relationships and the thoughtful partner will bring my lovely life back and of course will rebuild, or restore my relationship with food and eating , the most beautiful and sacred ritual in my life.
Wish you the best.
Kim
February 29, 2020
Alex, thank you so much for sharing your story. It feels very validating reading your experiences that just confirm what Ive learned about this condition over the years.
This got a bit long, so I apologize for the length, but if it helps someone to know they are not alone in this, then its worth it.
I've had IBS since I was about 4 years old(55 now) and learned how to manage it really well. Big time foodie, always cooking and creating my own recipes, it was my passion and therapy. Read and collected cookbooks like novels. IN my last 20's I was in a car accident, symptoms worsened, I was also finally diagnosed by my PT with Fibromyalgia. I learned that my diet directly affected the Fibro and kept it almost 100% managed for many years.
About 10 years ago I was in the middle of some of the worst stress(divorce, forced to move, single, homeschooling mom and sole-care-giver for both my elderly parents(dad had Alzheimers). That was just the beginning of everything just crashing down around me. My IBS was starting to snowball, getting worse. I came down with bronchial pneumonia, was really sick for 6 weeks and had to take heavy duty antibiotics . Life has not been the same ever since. Its too long of story but after years of suffering with pain, heavy & unmanageable GI issues, my hair usually thick and healthy hair started breaking off(at 1st I thought it was falling out!)when I would wet it in the shower it would feel like it had corn-syrup in it. I started getting intense and frequent hot flashes, cystic acne and weak muscles, heart palpitations, rising blood pressure...you name it. Fibro flared up and Ive battling it like crazy. I felt like I was falling apart at the seams. I was super healthy, aside from the lifelong IBS, before this. Eventually, after much persistence, I was diagnosed with SIBO..for all the good it has done.
Years of researching, following health blogs and trial and error, I've been able to improve allot of the symptoms, on my own. No Dr has been helpful. It was so bad years ago I went down to 113 lbs because all I could eat was boneless chicken and over cooked squash. I went in to see my DR(she is very good)and told her that I actually felt like I was dying. When no one could help, that was when I promised myself I would do all I could to heal.
I have to say that the bone broth(chicken) was a huge save for me, along with fermented veggies. Everything started to improve after a couple of months on it. I started making homemade hair-protein treatments and using other natural ingredients for my skin. I went into PT and started walking everyday. The acne was gone, I was getting stronger, eventually I was able to go from 5 minutes a day to several hours a day, of walking. I was able to get more food into my diet and my hair was almost back to normal. Then life crashed again and Ive been chasing the SIBO down ever since.
In time the bone broth started causing symptoms so I started making meat broth and I still make it 1-2 times a week. I cant really go without it.
I know now that the cause of this is high-consistent, long-term stress levels. I know all the hard life events started it off, and that it was fully triggered by the antibiotics but if I was to blame one source on this, it would be my home environments. Home should be the safe place you can regenerate, cocoon, feel in control. Ive only had one place that felt like that and that was when I was improving and healing steadily. . For the past 9 years I haven't felt safe, I haven't had a sanctuary from everything Ive been through. Rising rents forced me to keep moving until I landed here over 8 years ago(cannot afford to move). What you went through in that apartment? Except for the chickens, that's been me and my son. We've had also multiple infestations, including hornets, violently screaming landlords who live upstairs (so no one to go to about this), an aggressive drunk downstairs(he finally moved out a few years ago), their dog howls for hours and hours because he left alone all day, 6 days a week and we live in an area that is a constant sensory overload. I'm a nature, peace-loving, listening to birds singing, farmers market kind of gal. Where we live could not be more opposite.
Now, although I'm better in some respects, Ive become food-phobic, lost my passion for cooking(slowly getting it back). How can you heal your body. eat healthy, heal your relationship with food, heal your gut, when your body rejects food, especially the healthiest of foods and makes exercising and having a social life, almost impossible??
Im not giving up and Ive added more foods but its a struggle because every food, including water, still causes issues. When I reintro a food and it goes ok, I over eat because I feel so deprived. Now I'm dealing with weight gain and inflammation(of course) but I'm working through all that and making changes back to "in moderation". I just want to eat, cook, share food with friends and feel healthy and energetic again. I want to be me again.
{{hugs}} for all you went through Alex. And for everyone dealing with this.
Again, I apologize for the length. Believe it or not this is the short version. lol :)
This got a bit long, so I apologize for the length, but if it helps someone to know they are not alone in this, then its worth it.
I've had IBS since I was about 4 years old(55 now) and learned how to manage it really well. Big time foodie, always cooking and creating my own recipes, it was my passion and therapy. Read and collected cookbooks like novels. IN my last 20's I was in a car accident, symptoms worsened, I was also finally diagnosed by my PT with Fibromyalgia. I learned that my diet directly affected the Fibro and kept it almost 100% managed for many years.
About 10 years ago I was in the middle of some of the worst stress(divorce, forced to move, single, homeschooling mom and sole-care-giver for both my elderly parents(dad had Alzheimers). That was just the beginning of everything just crashing down around me. My IBS was starting to snowball, getting worse. I came down with bronchial pneumonia, was really sick for 6 weeks and had to take heavy duty antibiotics . Life has not been the same ever since. Its too long of story but after years of suffering with pain, heavy & unmanageable GI issues, my hair usually thick and healthy hair started breaking off(at 1st I thought it was falling out!)when I would wet it in the shower it would feel like it had corn-syrup in it. I started getting intense and frequent hot flashes, cystic acne and weak muscles, heart palpitations, rising blood pressure...you name it. Fibro flared up and Ive battling it like crazy. I felt like I was falling apart at the seams. I was super healthy, aside from the lifelong IBS, before this. Eventually, after much persistence, I was diagnosed with SIBO..for all the good it has done.
Years of researching, following health blogs and trial and error, I've been able to improve allot of the symptoms, on my own. No Dr has been helpful. It was so bad years ago I went down to 113 lbs because all I could eat was boneless chicken and over cooked squash. I went in to see my DR(she is very good)and told her that I actually felt like I was dying. When no one could help, that was when I promised myself I would do all I could to heal.
I have to say that the bone broth(chicken) was a huge save for me, along with fermented veggies. Everything started to improve after a couple of months on it. I started making homemade hair-protein treatments and using other natural ingredients for my skin. I went into PT and started walking everyday. The acne was gone, I was getting stronger, eventually I was able to go from 5 minutes a day to several hours a day, of walking. I was able to get more food into my diet and my hair was almost back to normal. Then life crashed again and Ive been chasing the SIBO down ever since.
In time the bone broth started causing symptoms so I started making meat broth and I still make it 1-2 times a week. I cant really go without it.
I know now that the cause of this is high-consistent, long-term stress levels. I know all the hard life events started it off, and that it was fully triggered by the antibiotics but if I was to blame one source on this, it would be my home environments. Home should be the safe place you can regenerate, cocoon, feel in control. Ive only had one place that felt like that and that was when I was improving and healing steadily. . For the past 9 years I haven't felt safe, I haven't had a sanctuary from everything Ive been through. Rising rents forced me to keep moving until I landed here over 8 years ago(cannot afford to move). What you went through in that apartment? Except for the chickens, that's been me and my son. We've had also multiple infestations, including hornets, violently screaming landlords who live upstairs (so no one to go to about this), an aggressive drunk downstairs(he finally moved out a few years ago), their dog howls for hours and hours because he left alone all day, 6 days a week and we live in an area that is a constant sensory overload. I'm a nature, peace-loving, listening to birds singing, farmers market kind of gal. Where we live could not be more opposite.
Now, although I'm better in some respects, Ive become food-phobic, lost my passion for cooking(slowly getting it back). How can you heal your body. eat healthy, heal your relationship with food, heal your gut, when your body rejects food, especially the healthiest of foods and makes exercising and having a social life, almost impossible??
Im not giving up and Ive added more foods but its a struggle because every food, including water, still causes issues. When I reintro a food and it goes ok, I over eat because I feel so deprived. Now I'm dealing with weight gain and inflammation(of course) but I'm working through all that and making changes back to "in moderation". I just want to eat, cook, share food with friends and feel healthy and energetic again. I want to be me again.
{{hugs}} for all you went through Alex. And for everyone dealing with this.
Again, I apologize for the length. Believe it or not this is the short version. lol :)
Alex E.
March 2, 2020
Kim, thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry to hear about everything you’ve been through. It’s simply unfair. And I believe you that it’s the short version! I totally get the feeling of just wanting to be yourself again. And maybe there’s no going back but I’m still hoping for a better way forward. I hope you feel the same way, and I really hope you feel better soon.
Kim
March 3, 2020
Thank you Alex. Its nice to share how hard this can be. I'm still hoping for a better way forward, as well! I don't give up easy but...oy. ;) Thank you again for sharing you story. <3
Susan
February 29, 2020
An important essay, because it’s about thoughtful living. Life is nothing more than a journey of ups and downs for all of us. There are no perfect answers, just adaptations . You have articulated beautifully a trying time in your life. More than this you have created a useful template for coping . This will serve you well in what I hope is a long personally successful life!
Alex E.
March 2, 2020
Wow, thank you so much for your extremely thoughtful (and eloquent!) note, Susan! Your positivity and kindness means so much.
Barbara
February 28, 2020
Thanks this sounds lots like my journey with G. I. Issues for the past 30 something years! Been told everything from ulcers, IBS hytatial hernia Hpylori twice! First time i have heard of this ! Gives me some hope !
Alex E.
March 2, 2020
I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been through something similar, Barbara, and for so long. I hope you find something to help you feel better soon!
Eric K.
February 27, 2020
Alex, I love that you've "couched" (pardon the pun) this personal journey in a physical narrative about houses and homes. Thank you for writing this! May it help others who are going through the same thing.
Avo A.
February 26, 2020
Dear Alex, after a bout of ulcer and a regimen of antibiotics, I started having these horrible stomach pains and bloating. Anemia, bad breath and heart burn were also part of it. I diagnosed myself after two years by chance. I was listening to a friend explaining her symptoms which were exactly like mine. She was lucky enough to be diagnosed with SIBO. I immediately went to my GI and asked for the test and sure enough it was positive. SIBO is just awful. I also had pain and bloating. My stomach was a mess and my bowels, well I would rather not say! My husband told me that I should immediately start on a broth diet. I ignored him and started on those special antibiotics. I immediately felt better, but food was still my enemy. No legumes, no salads, no nuts, no breads and no sugar. All my favorites were a NO! My husband kept telling me to start the broth diet and I still ignored him and went to see a nutritionist. The first thing she said "broth diet!" Imagine I had to come home and tell my husband I had to go on a broth diet. Of course, he did not admonish me, he started making me a variety of broths. From pork stew (which is my favorite and my stomach loves it) to fish to chicken to bone broth. They were all amazing. First it was only the broth. Then slowly we added vegetables and then meats. For the 6 months i was on that diet, i felt like my old self again! It was heaven! I slept better and i was back to my 20s weight. It was just HEAVEN. Then life intervened. I can eat almost everything now, but still no legumes, and no beans, no bread which is still my favorite. Although I try. I am slowly going back to the broth diet, our freezer is full of it. Not because of SIBO, but because it is the best diet for me. Thank you for bringing this awful disease to light so people can read about it. I do not wish this on anyone!
Alex E.
February 27, 2020
Thank you for reading and for sharing your experience, Avo. As difficult as the symptoms can be, I agree that giving up some of our favorite foods can be the hardest part. I’m glad you found something that helps, and I hope for even better days ahead!
Kristen M.
February 26, 2020
Alex, thank you so much for opening up about this—I'm sure so many people (myself included) will relate to the torment of broken bodies with no answers. Congratulations on getting through the soup gauntlet!
Alex E.
February 27, 2020
Thank you so much for reading, Kristen! I hate to hear that you can relate, but I agree it helps to commiserate. Hope you find some answers soon!
Juliana C.
February 26, 2020
Beautifully constructed essay with so many interesting layers. Thanks for sharing!
Alex E.
February 26, 2020
Thanks for reading and for the feedback, Juliana! I really appreciate you taking the time.
Arati M.
February 26, 2020
I loved reading this raw, beautiful essay, Alex, thank you for sharing your journey with such honesty. I also love how you've set the story against the shifting backdrop of these homes and neighborhoods...
Alex E.
February 26, 2020
Thank you so much for reading, Arati, and for your thoughtful comment! It really means so much.
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