Help! My oven is on fire and I need to cook a turkey for my future mother-in-law.

I'd make reservations.

You can also outsource the turkey. Order it (cooked) from Whole Foods or Asian rotisserie shop. Or a caterer.

If there is no safe-to-use oven, change the date or location of the dinner.

You could grill or deep fry the turkey. I've never done either of these so I don't have any tips (though the internet is full of them), and both of these cooking methods require special equipment. I'd ask to use the kitchen of a nearby friend or family member before I delved into deep frying a turkey, personally.

And they say we don't get any excitement around here. Do you know any neighbors well enough to borrow their oven? Unless you know what happened to your oven (was it the oven on fire or something in it?) don't use it.

If there are flames that are out of control or you’re in danger, please call the fire department! Use a fire extinguisher if need be!