Sometimes I like to make simple food, and sometimes I make recipes that leave my peers questioning my sanity (and social life).
When I tell text them I’m making such-and-such recipe—last week, squashducken; week before that, 8-page-recipe meatloaf—responses generally contain one or more of the following:
-omg -omfg -wtf -whatttt -whoaaah -!!!! -?! -?!!!! -. . . ? -amazing -ahhmazing -[bug eye emoji] -holy [expletive]
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The recipes range from “why haven’t I done this forever?” ridiculous-good to “who would do this to themselves?”—and yet still ridiculous-good.
Either way, there’s no trumping these recipes—no improving upon, no besting, no waxing poetic. It’s game over, roll the credits. And perfect your mic drop technique:
Here are the dishes that we pretend broke the internet, but really just make us happy:
Ingredients
For the pie crust:
| 3 3/4 | cups all-purpose flour |
| 3/4 | teaspoon salt |
| 3 | (12 ounces) sticks cold unsalted butter, cubed |
| 3/4 | cup ice water, plus more as needed |
| 3 3/4 | cups all-purpose flour |
| 3/4 | teaspoon salt |
| 3 | (12 ounces) sticks cold unsalted butter, cubed |
| 3/4 | cup ice water, plus more as needed |
For the finished pie:
| 4 | pounds sour or sweet cherries, pitted |
| 1 | lemon, zested and juiced |
| 1 | tablespoon vanilla extract |
| 2 1/4 | cups granulated sugar |
| 3/4 | cup cornstarch |
| 1 | egg wash, as needed for finishing |
| 1 | pinch turbinado sugar, as needed for finishing |
| 1 | splash Heavy cream, for serving (optional) |
| 4 | pounds sour or sweet cherries, pitted |
| 1 | lemon, zested and juiced |
| 1 | tablespoon vanilla extract |
| 2 1/4 | cups granulated sugar |
| 3/4 | cup cornstarch |
| 1 | egg wash, as needed for finishing |
| 1 | pinch turbinado sugar, as needed for finishing |
| 1 | splash Heavy cream, for serving (optional) |
There are four pounds of cherries.
Ingredients
For the crust
| 3 3/4 | cups all-purpose flour (450 g) |
| 3/4 | teaspoon salt (3 g) |
| 3 | sticks cold unsalted butter, cubed (340 g) |
| 3/4 | cup ice water, plus more as needed (173 g) |
| 3 3/4 | cups all-purpose flour (450 g) |
| 3/4 | teaspoon salt (3 g) |
| 3 | sticks cold unsalted butter, cubed (340 g) |
| 3/4 | cup ice water, plus more as needed (173 g) |
For the filling and assembly
| 6 | tablespoons unsalted butter, divided (85 g) |
| 1 | large sweet onion, diced (about 325 g) |
| 3 | stalks celery, diced (about 300 g) |
| 3 | carrots, diced (about 225 g) |
| 3 | cloves garlic, minced (15 g) |
| 1 | pinch salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste |
| 1/2 | cup all-purpose flour (60 g) |
| 4 | cups (1 liter) chicken stock (907 g) |
| 1 | bay leaf |
| 4 | sprigs rosemary |
| 4 | sprigs thyme |
| 1/4 | cup heavy cream (60 mL) |
| 4 | cups chopped, cooked chicken (575 g) |
| 1 1/3 | cups frozen peas (200 g) |
| 1 | brush of egg wash, as needed for finishing |
| 6 | tablespoons unsalted butter, divided (85 g) |
| 1 | large sweet onion, diced (about 325 g) |
| 3 | stalks celery, diced (about 300 g) |
| 3 | carrots, diced (about 225 g) |
| 3 | cloves garlic, minced (15 g) |
| 1 | pinch salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste |
| 1/2 | cup all-purpose flour (60 g) |
| 4 | cups (1 liter) chicken stock (907 g) |
| 1 | bay leaf |
| 4 | sprigs rosemary |
| 4 | sprigs thyme |
| 1/4 | cup heavy cream (60 mL) |
| 4 | cups chopped, cooked chicken (575 g) |
| 1 1/3 | cups frozen peas (200 g) |
| 1 | brush of egg wash, as needed for finishing |
Imagine a chicken pot pie where every bite has a significant amount of crust. This is that pie.
Ingredients
| 1 | bagel |
| 1 | tablespoon butter |
| 2 | eggs |
| Salt and freshly ground pepper |
| 1 | bagel |
| 1 | tablespoon butter |
| 2 | eggs |
| Salt and freshly ground pepper |
The bottom gets griddled. And you stick an egg in a bagel hole. What other questions do you have?
Ingredients
For the toast:
| eight | 3/4 inch-thick slices brioche or challah, preferably day-old |
| eight | 3/4 inch-thick slices brioche or challah, preferably day-old |
For the batter:
| 2 | cups all-purpose flour |
| 1 1/2 | cups sugar |
| 1 1/2 | teaspoons baking powder |
| 3/4 | teaspoon ground cinnamon |
| 1/4 | teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg |
| 1/2 | teaspoon ground ginger |
| A large pinch ground cloves | |
| 2 | cups buttermilk |
| 2 | large eggs |
| 1 | teaspoon vanilla extract |
| Vegetable or canola oil, for deep-frying | |
| Confectioners’ sugar, for dusting | |
| Maple syrup, for serving | |
| Fresh fruit, fruit compote, stewed fruit, etc., for serving |
| 2 | cups all-purpose flour |
| 1 1/2 | cups sugar |
| 1 1/2 | teaspoons baking powder |
| 3/4 | teaspoon ground cinnamon |
| 1/4 | teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg |
| 1/2 | teaspoon ground ginger |
| A large pinch ground cloves |
| 2 | cups buttermilk |
| 2 | large eggs |
| 1 | teaspoon vanilla extract |
| Vegetable or canola oil, for deep-frying | |
| Confectioners’ sugar, for dusting | |
| Maple syrup, for serving | |
| Fresh fruit, fruit compote, stewed fruit, etc., for serving |
Hello these are deep-fried.
Ingredients
| 4 | medium-sized red kuri squash (or another variety of similar size and shape). Imagine fitting one apple in the middle; if you think it’ll work, that’s your squash. |
| 4 | medium-sized apples that will fit in your squash, peeled and cored |
| 2 | ripe but firm pears (think Bartlett, Bosc, D’Anjou), peeled and chopped into smallish (1/4-inch) cubes |
| 3/4 | cup fresh cranberries |
| 1/2 | teaspoon salt |
| 1/4 | cup plus 1/2 cup brown sugar, divided |
| 1 1/2 | teaspoons cinnamon |
| 1/4 | teaspoon cardamom |
| 2 | teaspoons cornstarch |
| 1/2 | teaspoon freshly grated ginger |
| 1 | tablespoon plus 1/4 cup all-purpose flour, divided |
| 1 | tablespoon fresh lemon juice |
| 2/3 | cup oats |
| 1/4 | cup sliced almonds |
| 2 | tablespoons almond butter |
| 4 | tablespoons butter, melted |
| 4 | medium-sized red kuri squash (or another variety of similar size and shape). Imagine fitting one apple in the middle; if you think it’ll work, that’s your squash. |
| 4 | medium-sized apples that will fit in your squash, peeled and cored |
| 2 | ripe but firm pears (think Bartlett, Bosc, D’Anjou), peeled and chopped into smallish (1/4-inch) cubes |
| 3/4 | cup fresh cranberries |
| 1/2 | teaspoon salt |
| 1/4 | cup plus 1/2 cup brown sugar, divided |
| 1 1/2 | teaspoons cinnamon |
| 1/4 | teaspoon cardamom |
| 2 | teaspoons cornstarch |
| 1/2 | teaspoon freshly grated ginger |
| 1 | tablespoon plus 1/4 cup all-purpose flour, divided |
| 1 | tablespoon fresh lemon juice |
| 2/3 | cup oats |
| 1/4 | cup sliced almonds |
| 2 | tablespoons almond butter |
| 4 | tablespoons butter, melted |
It's like turducken but for dessert.
Ingredients
For the squash
| 4 to 6 | edible squash, ranging in size from very large to very small (the most important thing is that you are able to nest them snugly inside of one another) |
| Equipment: a roasting pan large enough to snugly secure the largest squash; very sharp knives for cutting; spoons for carving and scooping; 2 large bowls for all your squash debris; a great attitude! |
| 4 to 6 | edible squash, ranging in size from very large to very small (the most important thing is that you are able to nest them snugly inside of one another) |
| Equipment: a roasting pan large enough to snugly secure the largest squash; very sharp knives for cutting; spoons for carving and scooping; 2 large bowls for all your squash debris; a great attitude! |
For the pesto and the assembly:
| 1/2 | cup sage, chopped |
| 1/2 | cup olive oil, plus for more rubbing |
| 2 | cloves garlic, smashed |
| 2/3 | cup toasted hazelnuts |
| 3/4 | cup crumbled ricotta salata |
| Salt and pepper, for sprinkling | |
| Fresh breadcrumbs (I like mine to be fairly coarse), for sprinkling | |
| Shredded Parmesan cheese, for sprinkling | |
| Smoked paprika or other spices of your choice, for sprinkling | |
| Loaf of tender bread like challah or brioche, cubed, optional and as needed |
| 1/2 | cup sage, chopped |
| 1/2 | cup olive oil, plus for more rubbing |
| 2 | cloves garlic, smashed |
| 2/3 | cup toasted hazelnuts |
| 3/4 | cup crumbled ricotta salata |
| Salt and pepper, for sprinkling | |
| Fresh breadcrumbs (I like mine to be fairly coarse), for sprinkling | |
| Shredded Parmesan cheese, for sprinkling | |
| Smoked paprika or other spices of your choice, for sprinkling | |
| Loaf of tender bread like challah or brioche, cubed, optional and as needed |
A squash in a squash in a squash in a squash in a squash in a squash.
Ingredients
| 3 | medium (or 2 large) bunches lacinato kale, ribs removed, torn into roughly 3-inch pieces |
| 1/2 | teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg |
| 1 | teaspoon salt |
| Freshly cracked black pepper | |
| 3 | cups heavy cream |
| 8 | ounces sharp cheddar cheese (use the good stuff!) |
| 3 | medium (or 2 large) bunches lacinato kale, ribs removed, torn into roughly 3-inch pieces |
| 1/2 | teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg |
| 1 | teaspoon salt |
| Freshly cracked black pepper | |
| 3 | cups heavy cream |
| 8 | ounces sharp cheddar cheese (use the good stuff!) |
Three heads of kale, three cups of heavy cream, one dish.
Ingredients
| 4 | to 6 sheets of matzo (depending on how thick you like the chocolate layer) |
| 1 1/2 | sticks butter |
| 3/4 | cup sugar |
| 14 | ounces kosher for Passover semi-sweet chocolate |
| 14 | ounces kosher for Passover milk chocolate |
| 4 | to 6 sheets of matzo (depending on how thick you like the chocolate layer) |
| 1 1/2 | sticks butter |
| 3/4 | cup sugar |
| 14 | ounces kosher for Passover semi-sweet chocolate |
| 14 | ounces kosher for Passover milk chocolate |
You spread butter and sugar over the matzo before it even meets chocolate.
Ingredients
| 1 1/2 | pounds bucatini or other long pasta |
| 1 | recipe Marcella Hazan's Tomato Sauce (https://food52.com/recipes/13722-marcella-hazan-s-tomato-sauce-with-onion-butter) |
| 12 | ounces fresh mozzarella cheese, grated (as best you can, larger chunks are okay) |
| 6 | ounces grated Parmesan cheese |
| 1/2 | bunch fresh basil, roughly chopped |
| 1 1/2 | pounds bucatini or other long pasta |
| 1 | recipe Marcella Hazan's Tomato Sauce (https://food52.com/recipes/13722-marcella-hazan-s-tomato-sauce-with-onion-butter) |
| 12 | ounces fresh mozzarella cheese, grated (as best you can, larger chunks are okay) |
| 6 | ounces grated Parmesan cheese |
| 1/2 | bunch fresh basil, roughly chopped |
There's no crust, but there is 1 1/2 pounds of pasta in the shape of a deep-dish pie.
Ingredients
| 1/2 | cup all-purpose flour |
| 1 1/2 | cups graham cracker crumbs (from about 20 squares) |
| 2 1/2 | teaspoons baking powder |
| 1/2 | cup unsalted butter, softened |
| 3/4 | cup sugar |
| 2 | eggs |
| 1 | teaspoon vanilla extract |
| 3/4 | cup milk |
| 1/2 | cup all-purpose flour |
| 1 1/2 | cups graham cracker crumbs (from about 20 squares) |
| 2 1/2 | teaspoons baking powder |
| 1/2 | cup unsalted butter, softened |
| 3/4 | cup sugar |
| 2 | eggs |
| 1 | teaspoon vanilla extract |
| 3/4 | cup milk |
Graham crackers but in cake form.
Ingredients
| 8 | egg yolks + 4 egg whites, divided (save remaining 4 egg whites for another use) |
| 3/4 | cup 2 tablespoons sugar (175 grams) |
| 1 | stick + 2 tablespoons unsalted butter |
| 1 | teaspoon kosher salt |
| 1 | cup heavy cream |
| Chocolate wafers, for serving (optional) | |
| Jam, for serving (optional) |
| 8 | egg yolks + 4 egg whites, divided (save remaining 4 egg whites for another use) |
| 3/4 | cup 2 tablespoons sugar (175 grams) |
| 1 | stick + 2 tablespoons unsalted butter |
| 1 | teaspoon kosher salt |
| 1 | cup heavy cream |
| Chocolate wafers, for serving (optional) | |
| Jam, for serving (optional) |
Put one stick of salted butter in this ice cream. Do it.
Ingredients
For the streusel filling:
| 4 | tablespoons all-purpose flour |
| 4 | tablespoons granulated sugar |
| 4 | tablespoons brown sugar |
| 2 | teaspoons cinnamon |
| 1 | tablespoon heavy cream |
| 4 | tablespoons all-purpose flour |
| 4 | tablespoons granulated sugar |
| 4 | tablespoons brown sugar |
| 2 | teaspoons cinnamon |
| 1 | tablespoon heavy cream |
For the bread:
| 2 1/2 | cups (11 1/4 ounces or 319 grams) all-purpose unbleached flour |
| 1/4 | cup granulated sugar, plus more for sprinkling on top of loaf |
| 1 | tablespoon baking powder |
| 3/4 | teaspoon kosher salt |
| 6 | tablespoons chilled unsalted butter, cut into cubes |
| 1/2 | cup currants |
| 1/2 | teaspoon cinnamon, cocoa powder, or espresso powder |
| 1 | cup heavy cream, plus more for brushing on dough |
| 1 | large egg |
| 1 1/2 | teaspoons pure vanilla extract |
| 2 1/2 | cups (11 1/4 ounces or 319 grams) all-purpose unbleached flour |
| 1/4 | cup granulated sugar, plus more for sprinkling on top of loaf |
| 1 | tablespoon baking powder |
| 3/4 | teaspoon kosher salt |
| 6 | tablespoons chilled unsalted butter, cut into cubes |
| 1/2 | cup currants |
| 1/2 | teaspoon cinnamon, cocoa powder, or espresso powder |
| 1 | cup heavy cream, plus more for brushing on dough |
| 1 | large egg |
| 1 1/2 | teaspoons pure vanilla extract |
Cronuts are the default answer for "best mashup food." The real answer is this monkey bread, pull-apart bread, and scone hybrid.
Ingredients
| 2 | cups all-purpose flour |
| 1 1/3 | cups sugar |
| 4 | teaspoons baking powder |
| 1 | teaspoon baking soda |
| 1 1/2 | teaspoons ground allspice |
| 1 | teaspoon ground cinnamon |
| 1/2 | teaspoon ground cloves |
| one | 10 3/4-ounce can condensed tomato soup (Campbell's is most traditional) |
| 1/2 | cup shortening (or butter) |
| 2 | large eggs |
| 1/4 | cup water |
| 1 | cup raisins |
| Cream cheese frosting |
| 2 | cups all-purpose flour |
| 1 1/3 | cups sugar |
| 4 | teaspoons baking powder |
| 1 | teaspoon baking soda |
| 1 1/2 | teaspoons ground allspice |
| 1 | teaspoon ground cinnamon |
| 1/2 | teaspoon ground cloves |
| one | 10 3/4-ounce can condensed tomato soup (Campbell's is most traditional) |
| 1/2 | cup shortening (or butter) |
| 2 | large eggs |
| 1/4 | cup water |
| 1 | cup raisins |
| Cream cheese frosting |
A can of Campbell's tomato soup turns into cake—it's good, not a dare.
Okay, there's more. We can't help ourselves—call us nutty, or genius.
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Written by: Ali Slagle
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8 Comments
Judith R.
November 18, 2015
It all looks delicious, but aren't there any actual carnivores on your staff?? Lots of kale, squash and sugar...but just a token chicken pot pie. Nothing wonderfully fishy or meaty...
FoodieYogi
November 12, 2015
What is the main picture of?
Ali S.
November 12, 2015
This skillet cookie: https://food52.com/blog/11809-how-to-turn-a-giant-melty-cookie-into-a-dinner-party-dessert
Erin J.
November 12, 2015
I really like making things in extra deep springform pans, apparently. ????
Anna D.
November 18, 2015
I received one as a wedding gift eleven years ago and have never used it. I will now!
Anna D.
November 18, 2015
I'm thinking something like the pasta pie, but with crepes. That'd work, right? Butter and almond paste. Cherries?
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